My deep gratitude to our beloved Mother.
But what is our gratitude? What is our self-giving to Her? These are but imperfect mumblings, stressed for a moment and then swept away the next; full of an ardour and an aspiration that rise only to be dissolved immediately by the foamy waves of our desires and sensations. What are our efforts before the Grandeur that we perceive, the wonder of all that She has done for us, of all that She has attempted for us, of all that She has prepared and arranged for us! I can neither describe nor comprehend.
She who always wanted and continues to will the best for us all, She who chose to see only the good or the divine in us, in spite of our enormous defects, She who saw only what awaited us in the future, what we would be capable of, the Truth that is concealed within us, it is to Her that I call — She who is all for us. What have we done for Her? She who loved to gather us around Her, She who has passed through ordeals more dolorous than we can ever imagine, faced innumerable dangers in order to protect us, sacrificing Herself in order to make us conscious of ourselves; She who in one glance could know everything, She who is limitless, — what can we tell of Her?
Her look that pours forth endless compassion, Her touch vibrant with far-off symphonies, Her fragrance from which emanate all fragrances — it is not strange that we can never describe or unveil Her, that all our efforts are but obscure gropings.
However, somewhere deep in our being, where we faintly perceive Her vibration, when Her Presence becomes more living to us, we feel a profound gratitude which surges up in moments of solitude. And our being asks more and more of Her Love, yearns more and more to serve Her, aspires more and more to become one with Her. Only if all this could constantly find expression in our acts and words, would we truly be worthy of Her.
Many a time we had the occasion to see Her and to speak with Her. Whether it was for a minute standing before Her in silence or for hours together, She could touch the deepest part of our being and open it to Eternity.
She consented to stoop down to our level in order to lift us up. She wanted only to spread Love in this torn and divided world. She attempted constantly to change us. If She ever found a speck of love in our enormous ego, happily would She envelop us with Her Love, tirelessly.
Yes, it was only this that She wanted, and She gave us everything, both materially and spiritually, so that we could say in all simplicity, MA(मा), and accept Her in our hearts. For this She worked day and night, unceasingly, without rest, with the hope and vision which She wanted to express. It was this that She was preparing — souls strong enough to conquer all, capable of everything, ready to launch themselves into the great Adventure, unbelievable though it seems.
Perhaps we are not intrepid enough, not devoted enough; perhaps somewhere we lack the true faith, perhaps we did not give ourselves totally to be carried in this great current that She alone can direct.
Maybe we did not understand Her well. Unknowingly perhaps, in our zeal to progress, we made Her false promises, promises which slowly petered out in our daily obsessions, without our knowledge. Maybe we insisted on our will, forgetting Hers in the process. If She now gives me a chance, wouldn’t I do everything for Her!
She has given to every one of us the chances of his life and in spite of ourselves, She has poured down on us Her Love, She has protected us against all evil and mishaps. She always encouraged us, pushed us forward and blessed us by Her Grace. And as for me, I received, out of her gracious bounty, everything in abundance.
Anyway, among Her children, each one of us represents a type. I had the occasion to approach Mother for diverse reasons: either for some work or for some inner help or as a captain and always as Her child. I listened to things sublime, I lived in ecstatic moments, felt some peerless happiness and perceived in her eyes a gaze that stretched more and more towards Infinity.
Unforgettable, yes; and it is still so vivid…
I used to tell Her everything, even the most ordinary things…. I have roused Her dissatisfaction at times and She has appeared sometimes a little severe, more often intimate, or teasing, yet full of love, but always encouraging in Her effort to make me conscious.
She always gave us means to surpass ourselves more and more. She saw the great possibilities in all of us — or we may say that She saw the Divine in all. She revealed Herself — the One Unique — to each one in his own way and according to his receptivity and filled his being with Her marvellous delight. It was a smile… a bliss… a Divine Ananda that penetrated and pervaded the being.
What I have seen,
What received, and recall,
has no end…
My store is replete
with endless bliss…
How often would I lean
to gather Her kiss;
how often would fall
at Her feet.
This collection is an attempt to express a little of all that She has done for us.
These conversations were held in French. They were noted down from memory, except for the ones on pp.3-6, p.26 and p.28 which were recorded on tape. Occasionally, the Mother spoke in English. These words are indicated between asterisks: *…..* .