“Make your surrender true and complete, then only will all else be done for you.”
— Sri Aurobindo
My soul has taken the firm and irrevocable resolution to surrender myself to Thee, Mother Divine, but still I am far away from the perfection of my surrender.
I get touches and glimpses from Thee which fill me with light and joy; I live under Thy influence which helps me to purify and improve myself; Thou hast created all the conditions where I can calmly watch myself, control myself, turn myself always towards Thee; but my will is weak, my old habits are too strong, and I still allow the old self to have full play in me.
My thoughts and actions still rise from the lower nature; they go on as I take interest in them; I suffer the consequences as I still identify myself with them. Remove this weakness from my will, Mother, let me sternly turn away from the lower play and dedicate my life solely to the expression of Truth. Let me give up all my thought and action to Thee and be calm and pure and free from all care, all responsibility. Thou art the personal embodiment of Truth; in Thy Grace Thou hast created conditions for me where I can easily live a life constantly turned towards Thee; give me also the strength of will, Mother, by which I can make my life a constant, sincere devotion to Thee and to Thee alone.
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My surrender to Thee, Mother, is not a mere fancy or a passing whim. It has come from my inmost soul and shall be made complete and integral.
I know all the parts in me have not yet wholly submitted to Thee; I know they will not all surrender without a struggle; but they will ultimately have to submit and they are now evidently passing through the last phases of the struggle.
I shall always keep myself open to Thee, Mother, so that Thy light may enter into me and show up the recalcitrant parts; I shall again and again sacrifice them to Thee; I shall earnestly support all Thy work in me until my whole realm is made free and brought absolutely under Thy rule.
The arch rebel in me is my ego, which seems to have an everlasting life. With its army of desires, it hides under the cover of my ignorance and inevitably comes back to life as many times as it is apparently killed by Thy force in me. As long as a vestige, even a little seed of it will be left, so long it will revive again and again. Annihilate it completely, Mother, leaving no trace, no seed of it in me; I shall offer it to Thee again and again. Once this conquest is achieved, my soul’s aspiration will be fulfilled, I shall find my highest life by completely merging myself in Thee.
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The requirement of surrender to Thee, Mother, is an indispensable condition of my own real peace and happiness.
Desires of the lower nature are pulling me in all directions, and that is the root of all trouble. My ordinary life is really a life of surrender to these blind hankerings of Nature. Let these utterly cease in me, let me surrender myself wholly to Thee, Mother Divine!
I shall not bother about work, I shall give up all idea of duty and responsibility, but shall allow Thy will to work in me unhampered. I shall not hanker after knowledge, but shall calmly receive whatever light comes from Thee. I shall not run blindly after the limited joys of the world, but shall gratefully accept whatever joy and pleasure comes directly from Thee. Entrusting my whole life into Thy hands, let me be free from all care and anxiety, from all effort and pain.
If one can cease to rely on the poor efforts of the ego and depend wholly on Thee, he can get infinitely more than the ego can ever bring. Yet the physical mind will not believe in the divine possibilities and will obstinately stand in the way of perfect surrender!
Let my silent devotion personally to Thee, Mother, increase more and more so that this obstinacy of the physical mind may melt away and I may surrender myself completely to Thee.
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It is not mere external surrender that is required; it is not sufficient that I cut off all my relations with the external world and depend wholly on Thee for all my worldly needs. That is a preparation, and external symbol of the inner surrender that is required so that the integral transformation may take place.
In my egoistic ignorance and blind habit, I think that unless I form plans with my mind I cannot do any work; that unless I reason and argue with my mind I cannot know anything; so a ceaseless activity goes on in the mind. So the body continues its old artificial movements thinking them to be indispensable for the realisation of ananda.
Now that I see Thee, Mother, assuming the direction and control of my movements from above and the organisation of ananda in me, I shall keep my mind and body passive and silent so that Thou mayest freely use them as Thy instruments. Henceforth, there shall be no initiative from me, no effort to know or to do or to enjoy anything. I entrust to Thee, Mother, all my activities and the whole responsibility for them. I shall only look up to Thee in silent love and devotion so that Thou mayest manifest Thyself in me in Thy own way.
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Those who can wholly depend on Thee, Mother, giving up all personal effort and initiative, Thou takest their entire charge and doest whatever is needful for them in Thy own perfect divine manner. Yet the ignorant human soul hesitates to surrender itself and tenaciously clings to the poor egoistic effort to which it is habituated.
Merely surrendering the external life will not do; the inner determination of every thought and feeling and action must be absolutely given up to Thee. Only then the surrender will be complete and Thou wilt take up the whole life into Thy own being, Thy own consciousness. This surrender is not easy and requires a determined sadhana with great patience and perseverance.
The pure consciousness of the Purusha is within us, it is sustaining all our life, it underlies all our thoughts and feeling and actions, yet we do not see it, do not recognise it, just as a blind man does not feel the existence of the light which covers and pervades him. The thoughts and habits of our lower consciousness constitute our blindness. When we are able to withdraw from the lower consciousness and turn towards the calm, immutable, silent, pure consciousness of the Purusha in us, only then it becomes possible to complete our surrender to Thee, Mother, who art the supreme Divine consciousness containing and pervading everything that is in the universe.
