The Mother

Agenda

Volume 7

January 22, 1966

I saw Purani last night. It's the first time I have seen him since he went out of his body.¹ There were other people too. I saw him in a subtle physical world and he was all light blue and pink, and everything around him was pink and luminous (Mother makes a dancing gesture). He was pleased, oh, so pleased, he said, “Now I am happy!”

(silence)

Lots of preoccupations?

No! This morning I lived for two hours in a sort of blissful state in which there was, oh, such a clear awareness that all forms of life, in all the worlds and at all times, are the expression of a choice: you choose to be that way.

It's very hard to put it into words.... The sort of compulsion in which we think we have to live and to which we think we are subjected had com-plete-ly vanished, and there was a perfectly spontaneous and natural perception that life on earth, life in the other worlds, and all the types of life on earth, and all the types of life in the other worlds, are simply a question of choice: you chose to be that way, and you constantly choose to be this way or that, or choose that this or that is going to happen; and you also choose to think you are subjected to a Fate or a Necessity or a Law that compels you – everything is a question of choice. And there was a sense of lightness, of freedom (same dancing gesture), and then one of those smiles at everything. And at the same time, it gives you a tremendous power. All sense of compulsion, of necessity (and even more of fate) had com-plete-ly vanished. All the illnesses, all the events, all the dramas, all of it – vanished. And this concrete and so stark a reality of physical life – completely gone.

The interesting point is that the experience arose from my encounter with Purani last night. I met Purani in a certain world and he was in a certain state, like the one I have just described, but then the difference between Purani as he was here and Purani as he is now... suddenly, it was like a key. I spoke to him, he spoke to me, saying, “Oh, now I am so happy, so happy!” And it was in that state that I lived this morning for more than an hour and a half. Afterwards, I am obliged to come back... to a state I find artificial, but which can't be helped because of others, the contact with others and things and the innumerable amount of things to be done. But still, the experience remains in the background. And you are left with a sort of amused smile at all the complications of life – the state in which people are is the result of a choice, and individually the freedom of choice is there, but they have FORGOTTEN it. That's what is so interesting!

At the same time, I saw the whole picture of human knowledge (because when those states are present, all human realizations, all human knowledge come like a panorama in front of the new state and are put back in their proper place – when an experience comes, it's always, always as though retrospective), and I saw all the theories, all the beliefs, all the philosophical ideas, how they were connected to the new state.... Oh, it was such fun!

And it doesn't require rest; these experiences are so concrete and spontaneous and real (they aren't the result of a will, still less of an effort) that they don't require rest: I was busy washing. I took my whole breakfast in that state, it was charming. It was only when those people came (and I even did the “egg distribution” – I don't know if you are aware of it, but I am the one who puts your egg in your box every day – I did my egg distribution in that state, I gave the flowers in that state), it was only afterwards, when letters came that I had to listen to and answer and all manner of things (gesture of a truckload being dumped) – then it fades away, it gets erased. It still leaves me in a half-dream, but the experience is gone: it's no longer that.

But those who got hold of this experience for some reason or other without having all the philosophical and mental preparation I had (the “saints,” or at any rate all the people who led a spiritual life) had instead a very acute impression of the unreality of life and the illusion of life. But that's only a narrow way of looking at it. That's not it – that's not it, EVERYTHING is a choice! Everything, everything. The Lord's choice, but IN US; not there (gesture above): here. And we are unaware of it, it's deep down in ourselves. But when we are aware of it, we can choose – we can choose our choice, that's wonderful!

For instance, when that state was there, I told my body, “But see, you clumsy fool, why do you choose to be dramatic? To have pain, to be this and that?...” And that sort of fate and bond and hardness of existence – all that had vanished. All vanished. It was light blue, light pink, all luminous and clear and... (same dancing gesture)... buoyant.

I very well imagine that it's not something absolute; it was only ONE way of being, but a charming way of being!... Usually, when those who don't have a sufficient intellectual preparation have an experience like this one, they think they have caught the “only” truth. And then, from it, they dogmatize. But I clearly saw it wasn't that: it's ONE way of being, but a wonderful way of being, of course! Infinitely superior to the one we have here. And we CAN have it here: I had it. I had it quite concretely. And there is always something going wrong (a pain here or a pain there, or this or that, and then circumstances going wrong too, always difficulties)... the color of it all changes. And it becomes buoyant, you know, light – light, supple. All the hardness and rigidity – gone.

And the feeling that if you choose to be that way, you can go on being that way. And it's true. It's all the bad habits – habits that have been on earth for thousands of years, obviously – it's all the bad habits that stop you; but there is no reason why it couldn't be a permanent state. Because it changes everything! Everything changes!... You know, I was brushing my teeth, washing my eyes, doing the most material things: their nature changed! And there was a vibration, a conscious vibration in the eye that was being washed, in the toothbrush, in... All that, all of it was different. And it is clear that if you become the master of that state, you can change all circumstances around you.

Recently (for some time), there was that same difficulty of the body, which isn't limited and shut inside a shell as is generally the case, and which freely receives... not even with the feeling of “receiving” – which HAS the vibrations of everything around it; and then, when everything around it is, mentally or morally, closed, unwilling to understand, it's a bit difficult, which means that the elements that come have to be transformed. It's a sort of totality – a very manifold and unsteady totality – representing your field of consciousness and action and on which you must work constantly to reestablish a harmony (a minimum of harmony), and when something around you “goes wrong” according to the ordinary idea, it makes the work a bit difficult. It's subtle, persistent, and obstinate at the same time. I remember, last night when I stretched out on my bed, there was in the body an aspiration for Harmony, for Light, for a sort of smiling peace; the body aspired above all for harmony because of all those things that grate and scrape. And the experience was probably the result of that aspiration: I went there and met a pink and light-blue Purani (!) – what a blue! The pretty, very pretty light blue of Sri Aurobindo.

Only, I have noticed that in this body's life, I've never had the same experience twice – I may have the same type of experience to a higher degree or to a much vaster degree, but never identically the same. And I don't retain the experience: I am constantly, constantly (gesture forward), constantly forging ahead; you know, the work of transformation of the consciousness is so rapid, it must be done so fast that you don't have time to enjoy or dwell upon an experience or draw long-lasting satisfaction from it, it's impossible. It comes powerfully, very powerfully, it changes everything, then something else comes. It's the same thing with the transformation of the cells: all kinds of little disorders come, but to the consciousness they are clearly disorders related to the transformation, so you see to that particular point, you want order to be restored; at the same time, something knows full well that the disorder came to make the transition from the ordinary automatic functioning to the conscious functioning under the direct Direction and the direct Influence of the Supreme. And the body itself knows this (still, it's no fun to have a pain here or a pain there, or this or that being disorganized, but it KNOWS). And when that point has reached a certain stage of transformation, you move on to another point, then on to another, and on to another again. So nothing is done, no work is definitively done until... everything is ready. So you have to do the same work again, but on a higher or a vaster level, or with more intensity or in greater detail (it depends on the case), until EVERYTHING has been brought to a homogeneous point and is ready in the same way.

According to what I see, it's going as fast as it can go. But it takes a great deal of time. And everything is a question of changing the habit. The whole automatic habit of millennia must be changed into a conscious action, directly guided by the supreme Consciousness.

The tendency is to say that it takes much more time and is more difficult because you are surrounded with people and you act in the world, but if you weren't in those conditions, a lot of things would be overlooked, a lot. A lot of things would remain undone. There are all kinds of vibrations that aren't in affinity with this aggregate [Mother's cellular aggregate] and that would never have had an opportunity to touch the transforming Force if I weren't in contact with all the people.

It is perfectly obvious – perfectly obvious – that one is put in the best conditions and with the maximum of possibilities for action... when one wants it sincerely.

*
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Then Mother takes up the translation of “Savitri”:

Each in its hour eternal claimed went by

Ideals, systems, sciences, poems, crafts

Tireless there perished and again recurred,

Sought restlessly by some creative Power.

But all were dreams crossing an empty vast.

(X.IV.642)

All this is the same thing! It's amusing.

He certainly had similar experiences [to Mother's] when he wrote those lines.

¹ Purani, a charming old disciple, who passed away on December 11, 1965. See Agenda VI, conversation of December 28, 1965, p. 341.

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