Sri Aurobindo
Letters of Sri Aurobindo
Volume 4
I am leaving tomorrow for Madras. I can honestly say that I have led a very hard working and pure life and tried all the time to equip myself in my work (in music – the compositions have been astonishingly beautiful) for your service. All I want is that I may do it with self-oblivious bhakti. I run on danger. My compositions have of late been so amazingly beautiful that I often catch myself congratulating my genius. I know it is nothing and all gifts are yours, still the weakness of blind egoism you see. I pray genuinely that I may feel it is all yours as it is and I do feel in my stronger moments of insight. But in my egoistic moments I find (I am very sorry for it) I am felicitating myself (as many are doing today) as India’s greatest composer-musician, etc. I am so ashamed of it, Mother. But I know that since I am conscious of it all you will cure me in due course of all this.
Well, that is an almost universal human weakness, especially with artists, poets, musicians and the whole splendid tribe – I have known even great Yogis suffer from just a touch of it! If one can see mentally the humour of it, it will fall off in the end.
For the rest tell me, am I indeed growing through all this towards bhakti for you?
Yes, surely. [Underlined by Sri Aurobindo]
For genius, etc. are all chimeras and phantoms – that I know. All I want to be assured is that I be accepted as your devoted servant.
Yes. [Underlined]
I leave tomorrow noon.
You go with our love and blessings. [Underlined by Sri Aurobindo]