Sri Aurobindo
Letters of Sri Aurobindo
Volume 3
There was no sternness at all in the Mother’s gaze. She was waiting for you to speak and while she did a concentration came in which she saw around you the difficulties that were troubling you in a very concrete form and she was looking how they could be counteracted and trying to counteract them – it was at this she was gazing. There was not the slightest sternness in the matter, only solicitude. Also when you spoke together afterwards, she spoke without any sternness or displeasure, in her usual manner and tried to combat your depression and make you take the matter on the basis of my letter and yours also sent in the morning. You must have come with the idea put into your mind that the Mother would be full of disapproval and opposition and displeasure. But I had already intimated to you that it was not so, that you could go with our full consent and blessings. It was with her approval that I had sent you my reply. There was therefore no true ground or room for all the dark ideas that you expressed to her and put into your evening’s letter, about death and never coming back or writing. We have said and written and done nothing to justify any such turn being given to your going out. You must remember that we have shown always nothing but kindness and affection to you and anything to the contrary in your mind has never been anything but a groundless inference or an idea raised in your mind by listening to others. You should put all this dark stuff out of your mind and go out in all serenity of spirit. Go cheerfully, enjoy the outing, do your music at Calcutta with the knowledge of our force 
behind you and make it an entire success, refresh your mind and nerves with the peace of the Himalayas and the company of Krishnaprem which cannot but be stimulating and put away from you all mental and nervous tension. It may be that as the Mother suggested, the obstruction will break down there and in any case the change should give you a rest of mind that cannot but be good for you. It was because you were proposing to go in that spirit and not in a dark or despairing one that I consented to your going. I want you to come back to that basis. Do not listen to anyone or anything that suggests the opposite.