Sri Aurobindo

Collected Poems

CWSA.- Volume 2

Part Two. Baroda
Short Poems from Manuscripts, c. 1900 – 1901

So that was why

So that was why I could not grasp your heart

Between my hands and feel it nestle in,

Contented. O you kept it in your breast

Most secretly, were skilful in your sin,

Farthest away, most intimately caressed.

But if I sought for it with this sharp knife

Here, here, thou harlot? What, you tremble, you shriek,

Would you be skilful still? You love your life

For his sake then? For his sake! No. I’ll wait

Till you have fathomed all my depths of hate.

Weep not, nor pray; you have tasted to the brim

The glory of my love, and laughed, oh laughed!

Now drink my hatred to the dregs, this time

You shall not easily reject the draught.

God! now I hate you whom I once so loved.

God! the abhorred whiteness of these limbs

Where I have wasted all my glorious heart

In kisses. Dreams, ah Heaven, sweet hateful dreams!

Nay, I shall live, ’tis thou that must depart.

Why, he has kissed them too. Will not this edge

Dig out his kisses from the bleeding flesh?

Call not on God, thou soul self-doomed to Hell,

Against whose blessings thou hast dared rebel.

Thou liv’st but while I hold myself in leash.

His name! Thou lovely devil, from thy breast

I’ll tear his name out. He! then now, then now

And thus and thus...

O heaven! how beautiful her murdered brow!

Will not thine eyes open and look at me with love,

Surely they hold not his vile image yet,

For Death should leave thee pure. But I forget.

He lives and God signs to me from above

Beckoning to me to strike. When it is done,

I will come back and kiss you only once.

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