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Kamala Amin
The Growth of a Flame
Kamala’s Correspondence with
Sri Aurobindo and the Mother
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Preface
This book is a collection of Kamalaben’s correspondence with Sri Aurobindo and the Mother. It takes a peep into the past and revives the memories and the atmosphere of those golden days.
It is difficult to write about Kamalaben without remembering Champaklal because her association with him began from her childhood days. I had the privilege of first knowing them many years ago. Later, I got close to them during the publication of some books on Champaklal.
Kamalaben came to the Ashram at the tender age of thirteen on 20 February 1928, and lived there until her passing on 7 November 2002. She had the rare opportunity of spending all her time in the service of Divine Mother, and later served Champaklal till his last moment. She always avoided speaking about herself. I found her a sincere, straightforward, warm, generous, and silent servitor of the Divine. Her spiritual initiation and development took place under the direct guidance of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother.
Champaklal once showed me some of Kamalaben’s correspondence with Sri Aurobindo and the Mother and also the birthday messages and folders she received from them. The correspondence began in 1931 when she was just fifteen, and continued up to 1940. It is very interesting because it not only expresses her aspiration but also her struggles, thus reflecting the growth of her soul under the direct protection, care and love of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother. Kamalaben knew practically nothing about Yoga when she came to the Ashram. She would merely express her thoughts and feelings in letters to Sri Aurobindo and the Mother, most of the time in Gujarati and occasionally in English. Each letter was answered by Sri Aurobindo, even the smallest query. It is a surprising but pleasing revelation that Sri Aurobindo knew Gujarati so well!
In those days there were very few disciples staying in the Ashram – just thirty or so – and Kamalaben was one of them. Those fortunate souls lived like members of one family and could write about anything to Sri Aurobindo and the Mother for whom their respect, love and obedience were total. For example, when Kamalaben was not permitted to learn things like cycling and swimming, she readily and gladly accepted these restraints without any resentment at all. Sri Aurobindo and the Mother poured their love on all inmates and worked ceaselessly for them even at the mundane level, paying attention to the smallest material detail. Their solicitude is beyond our imagination.
In this book Kamalaben’s correspondence has been divided into six parts. The first consists of her aspirations and prayers with the corrections made by Sri Aurobindo. Kamalaben also expressed her love and surrender to the Mother every day, by preparing a beautiful design on a sheet of paper and writing the word “Mother” in it in different styles. The Mother used to write her “blessings” over it and return it to her. Two of these drawings are reproduced herein from this beautiful collection of the “Happy child”, Kamalaben.
The second part covers the very inspiring birthday messages received by Kamalaben from 1931 to 1970. They provide an insight into her soul’s progress and the guidance she received. Kamalaben was also fortunate to get a variety of beautiful folders and cards meticulously prepared by Champaklal and with the Mother’s blessings inscribed thereon. They were a treasure to her. One of these folder-cards with the Mother’s photograph is printed at the beginning of this book.
Having come to the Ashram at a very young age, Kamalaben had little knowledge about Yoga. She therefore went through many conflicts and pulls between the Vital on the one hand, and her intense aspiration and will to stay here, on the other. Questions such as “Is there any aspiration in me?” – “Why do I feel like leaving the Ashram though I do not like to leave?” – “Why do I remember the relatives? What to do?” and Sri Aurobindo’s answers guiding her are also a source of inspiration to all aspirants. This forms the third part entitled “Introspection”.
The fourth part is “Guidance in Daily Activities”. In those days there were less than ten sadhikas in the Ashram and Kamalaben was the youngest. She sought guidance from Sri Aurobindo and the Mother whom she saw as her Father and Mother. About this Sri Aurobindo wrote, “It is not imagination, it is true. These are true feelings and this is your true relation with the Mother.”
The fifth part is on Kamalaben’s dreams. She used to describe them in her letters and ask their meaning. Sri Aurobindo’s interpretations of these dreams are given here. “It is sometimes said that in a man’s sleep his true nature is revealed,” the Mother once remarked1, and Sri Aurobindo has written, “As the inner consciousness grows by sadhana, these dream experiences increase in number, clearness, coherence, accuracy and after some growth of experience and consciousness, we can, if we observe, come to understand them and their significance to our inner life.”2
Kamalaben learned the art of painting after coming to the Ashram. She particularly received ample encouragement from Champaklal. But Sri Aurobindo and the Mother also gave their guidance and appreciation to this budding artist; this will be seen in the sixth part. Kamalaben did a number of flower studies which were seen by Sri Aurobindo and the Mother; the Mother wrote the significance of each flower. One of these paintings has been reproduced.
I present the second edition of this book with a heart full of gratitude towards Champaklal, the inspirer of this book. I miss Kamalaben’s presence as I recall the guidance and cooperation she gave me during the preparation of my books. Even at the age of 85 years, she had a memory which was sharp enough to tell one about the past events whenever one enquired.
I offer my sincere thanks to Amal Kiran, an enlightened devotee who is always ready to help and guide; to Jayantilal Parekh, an eminent artist, for taking a keen interest in Champaklal’s and Kamalaben’s work; to Apurva for his full cooperation and to Mrs. Rati Sethna for the translation work, and to the others who have contributed to the publication of this book.
My thanks are also due to the Sri Aurobindo Ashram Trust, the Archives, the Art gallery and the Sri Aurobindo Ashram Press for the cooperation extended by them.
Roshan
Introduction
Kamalaben was born in Jhadeshwar, a few miles north of Bharuch in the south of Gujarat, on 11 February 1915. She was the youngest child of Raiba and Kashibhai Amin. She had two brothers, Maheshbhai and Jagadishbhai, and one sister Yashodaben, who later got married to Sardar Vallabhbhai Patel’s son.
Raiba passed away when Kamalaben was just about one year old. Her grandmother wanted to bring her up, but she was very dear to her father, who took her with him to Kansia, a beautiful island off Jhadeshwar, where he owned a large estate. There he looked after her with the utmost care, almost like a mother, up to the age of seven. A devotee of Lord Krishna, he led a spiritual life at the same time taking a very keen interest in moulding the lives of his children. It was partly for this reason that he started an ashram where he often invited yogis like Pagal Hamath and Vishnu Bhaskar Lele; in fact Lele was soon quite closely connected with the family. Though a strict disciplinarian and reformist, Kashibhai was a kind, helpful and generous person. Champaklal who joined this ashram when he was seventeen, developed a very high respect for Kashibhai and considered him a detached householder like the enlightened king Janakavaidehi.
Kashibhai’s brother Haribhai was a well-known political leader of his day and Kamalaben recalls the visits of C.F. Andrews, Gandhiji, Annie Besant to Kansia. Incidentally, though Haribhai belonged to the Swaminarayan cult, he sought and received spiritual guidance regularly from Sri Aurobindo in his quest.
When Kamalaben was seven, Kashibhai left her in the care of her grandmother and went to Sri Aurobindo in Pondicherry, leaving her behind in tears. She had inherited the inclination for spiritual life from her father and at the age of nine she received permission to come to the Ashram, but Haribhai did not allow her to go there. Later, at the age of twelve, Kashibhai called her to Pondicherry. She came to the Ashram with Maheshbhai and Shanta-bhabhi, her elder brother and sister-in-law, and two cousins Ramjibhai and Dayaben. According to Champakal, Sri Aurobindo once said, “Kashibhai wants to go to heaven with the members of his family.” But while Kashibhai and Kamalaben stayed on in the Ashram, the others went back.
Recalling that golden period of the Ashram, Kamalaben told me, “When I came here, I did not know anything. I learned English from Janet and then from Pavita (the name given by Sri Aurobindo to an English Sadhika). All the time I remained occupied only with my work. It was indeed a great joy to work. In those days the Ashram often faced shortage of funds. We could not keep anything in our rooms except drinking water. There were also some strict rules. Whatever food was received individually from one’s native place had to be given away to the dining-room. The food that was served was so simple that sometimes I felt very hungry in the evening and tears rushed to my eyes, but still I remained happy. At lunch-time the Mother used to come to the dining-room every day and tasted one spoonful of curds from each one’s bowl. She herself gave the dishes of food to the sadhaks.
“I was very fond of Aspiration’ flowers from my childhood. I used to collect them from my school garden and put them daily on my teacher’s table. Then, after coming to the Ashram, the Mother gave me the work of counting Aspiration’ flowers!”
Champaklal also has written about Kamalaben’s stay in the Ashram.
I am giving here an edited version of the translation from the original in Gujarati.
Episodes of the Infinite Grace of the Mother on Kamalaben
The Mother has showered her grace on her children in such a way that every child can say, “The Mother has specially showered her grace on me only. For none else she has done this.” Kamala is indeed one of them.
Kamala has not written about herself, but I am interested in writing about her for two reasons. Firstly, it was the Mother who sustained my interest in the life of Kamala and secondly, it gives me an opportunity to admire the Mother as I recollect many events of her infinite grace on Kamala.
In the beginning, Kamala did not speak when she went to the Mother. After some time she asked the Mother for some work. The Mother gave her the work of sweeping my room. Thereafter Mother kept giving her one work after another.
In those days, Kashibhai had instructed his son Maheshbhai, who lived in Bombay to send every week a basket of fruits for Sri Aurobindo and Mother. Maheshbhai sent oranges, chikoos, grapes, almonds, pistachios, etc. When he left Bombay for Bharuch, Kashibhai arranged to get the fruits from Madras. Someone might want to know what was done with these baskets which came so regularly. Kamalaben was entrusted the job of washing the fruits in water with potassium permanganate, wiping them, arranging them in three big cupboards and checking their condition every day. With the grace of the Mother, Kamala’s fingers became so sensitive that they could pick exactly the spoiled ones and keep them aside.
Daily, I would spend about an hour in extracting the juice, filling three big jars. The Mother gave this juice to Sri Aurobindo and some devotees too. Kashibhai considered himself fortunate for having such a rare opportunity given to him by Sri Aurobindo and the Mother.
As you go upstairs to Sri Aurobindo’s Room, you first step into a vestibule with doors on two sides and one in front which on Darshan days is covered by a life-size photo of the Mother (this door leads to the old bathroom). The door to the right opens into the “long passage” between Sri Aurobindo’s Room and the Meditation hall. It was in that passage that Mother asked Kamala to sit to count “Aspiration” flowers.
After Sri Aurobindo met with an accident to his right leg, Kamala would sit in the place where the Mother used to sit for giving darshan and separate good green grapes from bad ones. In fact, the Mother herself had asked her to sit there so that she could have the darshan of Sri Aurobindo every day.
The Mother also gave Kamala the unique opportunity to accompany her when she went downstairs to receive Pranam.
There was an ear-shaped glass tray in which the Mother used to arrange “Tender love” flowers and then keep the tray on the dressing table in her dressing room. Afterwards she gave that work also to Kamala.
Another work that Mother herself used to do was cutting the stems of the roses that came upstairs and arranging them in a bowl. This work too she later gave to Kamala. The Mother required flowers early in the morning for which a big bowl filled with roses was kept in the darshan room at night. Kamala needed to come in the night at 2 a.m. for this work. But how could she come when the main gate of the Ashram opened only at 4 a.m.? So Mother told her to sleep in my room in the Library House since I slept in Sri Aurobindo’s Room. Thus Kamala started her work of flower arrangement at 2 a.m. and finished by 4 a.m. This way she also had an early morning darshan of Sri Aurobindo. Then, when Kamala had to vacate her room in the Bakery House (which was then in the north-west corner of what is now the School building), the Mother asked Kamala to live in her storeroom (above the Cashier’s room) in the Ashram, and asked her to pass through the Darshan room while going to the Meditation hall for this work.
I also remember another event. Sometimes while taking her bath, the Mother would come out of the bathroom with a handkerchief or some clothing that was torn in some place and ask Kamala to stitch it immediately. I used to wonder why Mother needed it so urgently when she had so many handkerchieves and clothes. After some time, she would come out again with loving, penetrating eyes and with a few affectionate words, take it with a sweet smile. I did not understand her purpose then. And how much do I understand now? I can only say that the meaning behind the Mother’s action was revealed to me gradually over a period of time.
I was interested in witnessing all this on two counts. One was to see the Mother’s ways of working on Kamala and the other was to see the Mother showering her grace on her.
Someone might think why only Kamala was with Champaklal. I have written this at length to show that by showering her infinite grace the Mother had Kamala with me from childhood and till today she has kept her with me.
Champaklal
It seems from Kamalaben’s correspondence that the period between 1933 and 1937 provided a great impetus to the development of her life. During this period she did many paintings, learned vocal music, played the veena and corresponded regularly with a childlike enthusiasm with Sri Aurobindo and the Mother.
Sri Aurobindo and the Mother gave Kamalaben the following messages on her birthday in 1946:
11.2.46
Fidelity, devotion, self-giving, selfless work and service, constant aspiration are the simplest and most effective means by which the soul can be made ready and felt to be in the abiding presence of the divine.
Sri Aurobindo
The prayer of 1946 – to repeat daily:
“O Lord, marvellous Friend, all-powerful Master, penetrate all our being and transfigure it so that thou alone livest in us and by us!”
With my blessings.
The Mother
It is such messages from Sri Aurobindo and the Mother which have sustained and nourished the growth of the flame of Kamalaben’s aspiration and devotion all through her life.
Roshan
Aspirations and Prayers
(Kamala had written her aspirations and prayers in a note-book (1933) both in English and Gujarati. Sri Aurobindo corrected those in English; these corrections have been incorporated here.)
February 28, 1933
Mother Divine, Thou who protectst Thy children and makest them capable to realise the Supreme.
March 3, 1933
I pray at Thy Lotus feet, to teach me how to serve Thee and to keep the right attitude towards Thee.
O Mother Divine, Thou pourest devotion, aspiration and love into our hearts and Thou teachest us how to serve Thee and to keep the right attitude towards Thee.
Mother, keep me open to Thee and let me hear Thy voice and make me grow into Thy consciousness; so that I may be able to serve Thee and may live only for Thee.
March 4, 1933
I feel the Divine Mother sitting on the throne of my heart and giving me aspiration and devotion for Thee, and making me conscious of Thy grace.
March 8, 1933
O Mother Divine! I pray to Thy Lotus feet, at Thy holy feet that my aim may be towards Thee and always I may live at Thy holy feet with the right attitude.
March 9, 1933
Mother Divine! O My Dear Mother
Though I do not know how to pray to Thee, yet I like to pray at Thy Lotus feet, at Thy holy feet, and like to live only for my Divine Mother. Ma – if my inner being is not wishing for Thee, I pray Thee to make it wish.
March 11, 1933
Mother,
Light the fire in my heart for Thy service and to be faithful to the Divine Mother.
March 12, 1933
Mother,
Make me more and more fit for Thy service and use me for Thy service.
At Thy Lotus feet.
March 17, 1933
Mother,
Keep me faithful to Thee. And give me power for surrender at Thy Lotus feet.
May 16, 1933
To The Mother
O my gracious Mother! where are you! In my heart? If so, then lead me on; my way is full of darkness and I find it hard. Although I feel Thy grace and protection with me while I go to bed, it seems a short time. Still I have some patience and happiness. At Thy Lotus feet.
Your child
Kamala
(Following are a few selected aspirations and prayers which were written in the years 1935 and 1936. Kamalaben used to express her hue and surrender to the Mother everyday by preparing a beautiful design on a sheet of paper. She had offered four hundred and twelve such paper sheets to the Mother.)
Undated
Mother,
Pranam to my gracious Mother.
Your happy child Kamala
Love and blessings to my dear child.
The Mother
June 15, 1935
Mother,
Keep me always faithful to you.
Your happy child Kamala
Keep open to my blessings and love and they will keep you faithful.
The Mother
June 26, 1935
Mother,
Come Mother, Mother come in all the parts of my being.
Your happy child Kamala
I am always with you, ready to enter all corners of your being.
With love and blessings
The Mother
July 23, 1935
Mother,
Pranam from my depth of my heart to my loving Mother.
Your happy child Kamala
In the depth of your heart you will always find my presence with my love and blessings.
The Mother
November 14, 1935
Mother Gracious,
Keep me always at your feet. Accept my Pranam.
Your happy child
Kamala
My dear child, you are near me and my love and blessings are always with you.
The Mother
January 22, 1.36
Mother,
Pranam to my gracious Mother,
My Mother, peace, peace, peace I pray for.
Your happy child Kamala
What troubles you, my dear child? Withdraw in the silence in the deep heart and you will find peace there.
With my blessings and love
The Mother
Undated
Mother,
Remain always with me.
Your happy child Kamala
My dear child,
I am truly always with you. With love and blessings
The Mother
March 26, 1936
Mother,
Pranam to my gracious Mother.
Your happy child Kamala
Love and blessing to my dear child. This paper is truly fine.
The Mother
April 21, 1936
Mother,
Pranam to my gracious Mother,
Your happy child Kamala
Love and blessings to my dear child.
This paper is indeed a pretty paper!
The Mother
Undated
Mother,
What an amount of Grace! Give me strength to bear.
Your happy child Kamala
My dear child,
My strength is always with you and my love and blessings also.
The Mother
Undated
Mother,
Give me the right attitude.
Your happy child Kamala
To be happy is in itself a right attitude. With love and blessings.
The Mother
Undated
Mother,
Let no other influence enter into me except yours.
Your happy child Kamala
Open fully to my love and blessings and that will happen.
The Mother
Undated
Mother,
Pranam from the depth of my heart.
Your happy child Kamala
Let your heart be filled with my love and my blessings always protect you.
The Mother
Undated
Mother,
Let me not go out of your protection, so I may receive constantly your help.
Your happy child Kamala
Keep the trust and the faith and you will always remain in the protection.
With love and blessings.
The Mother
Undated
Mother,
Keep me open to you.
Your happy child Kamala
My help is always with you, but you must use your will to overcome the obstacles.
The Mother
Undated
Mother,
What a joy and happiness you have given me today.
Your baby Kamala
I hope you will keep this happiness always.
With love and blessings.
The Mother
Undated
Mother,
Mother Gracious,
I pray for the peace and for Thy Grace.
Your happy child Kamala
My dear child,
Keep full faith in the Divine’s Grace, do not attach undue importance to non-important things and the peace will come to you.
With love and blessings.
The Mother
Undated
Mother,
What is being faithful to you? Pranam to my Gracious Mother.
Your happy child Kamala
To obey no other will than mine.
With love and blessings to my dear child.
The Mother
July 9, 1936
Mother,
Pranam to my Gracious Mother.
Your happy child Kamala
Love and blessings to my dear child. This is very pretty.
The Mother
Undated
Mother,
Pranam to my Gracious Mother. For the new year. (Gujarati)
Your happy child Kamala
Special blessings for the new year and love to my dear child.
The painted leaves are very pretty and the torch quite nice.
The Mother
August 3, 1936
Mother,
Pranam to my Gracious Mother.
Your happy child Kamala
Love and blessings to my dear child. This is quite pretty.
The Mother
Birthday Messages to Kamala
Bonne Fete a Kamala
February 11, 1936
Kamala
In faith and confidence and joy on the quiet and sunlit path towards the home of Light and Ananda.
Sri Aurobindo
February 11, 1938
Kamala
My blessings on Kamala for the year of her life that begins today.
Sri Aurobindo
Let this year bring to you a steady increase of faith and devotion.
With love and blessings.
The Mother
February 11, 1941
My blessings on your birthday. May you grow in spirit with this new year of life.
Sri Aurobindo
My love and blessings to my dear child on the occasion of her birthday. Let your psychic being come more and more to the front and give you the true intimacy with the Divine.
The Mother
February 11, 1942
My blessings for the day and the year. Grow in faith, grow in light, grow in consciousness.
Sri Aurobindo
My dear child, my love and blessings are and will be with you throughout the year. Let them help you to make one more progress on the way towards the divine goal.
The Mother
February 11, 1943
My blessings for your birthday. May this year be a step forward in consciousness and towards union with the Divine.
Sri Aurobindo
For Kamala, a prayer:
“With a calm and pure devotion we salute Thee and recognise Thee as the only reality of our being.”3
The Mother
February 11, 1944
My blessings for the year. May it bring to you growth in consciousness towards the Divine.
Sri Aurobindo
Here is a prayer for the year 44:
“Thou art resplendent in the bright sun. Thou makest Thyself felt in the sweet breeze that passes. Thou makest Thyself manifest in the hearts and livest in all beings.”
With my blessings.4
The Mother
February 11, 1945
My blessings on your birthday. May this be a year of more and more progress both in your inner and your outer being.
Sri Aurobindo
Here is a prayer for 1945:
“Lord, grant that I may be entirely and eternally faithful to Thee.”
With my blessings.5
The Mother
February 11, 1946
Fidelity, devotion, self-giving, selfless work and service, constant aspiration are the simplest and most effective means by which the soul can be made ready and felt to be in the abiding presence of the Divine.
Sri Aurobindo
The Prayer for 1946 – to repeat daily:
“O Lord, marvellous Friend, all-powerful Master, penetrate all our being and transfigure it so that Thou alone livest in us and by us!”
With my blessings.6
The Mother
February 11, 1947
To light always and keep alight the psychic fire within, the fire of aspiration, devotion and self-giving -not to stifle it with the damp smouldering logs of vital desire and egoistic reactions. If that becomes permanent and continuous, then it will be easy to bring down the spiritual transformation.
Sri Aurobindo
My dear child, on this day of your birth anniversary, let your aspiration leap forward pure and straight towards the supreme consciousness which is all joy and all beatitude.
With my tender love and blessings,7
The Mother
February 11, 1948
Devotion to the Divine, fidelity to his work and obedience to his will are the first supports of the Yoga. On these pillars all the rest can be supported.
Sri Aurobindo
I hope that this year will give you strength and good health.
With my love and special blessings,
The Mother
February 11, 1949
To Kamala with Sri Aurobindo’s and my love and special blessings on the occasion of your birthday. Let this year bring you strength and health and the quietness of an unfailing faith.
The Mother
February 11, 1950-51
My dear child,
From this day of your birthday and Mahasaraswati’s festival, let her skill and perfection in work be always and more and more with you.
With my love and special blessings,
The Mother
February 11, 1952
To Kamala,
Never forget the goal. Never stop aspiring. Never halt in your progress, and you are sure to succeed.
With my blessings,
The Mother
February 11, 1953
Bonne Fete! Bonne Annee!
The year that is finished has been marked by a real progress. Let the year that starts see another totally decisive one.
With my blessings,8
The Mother
February 11, 1954
My dear child,
You have come closer to me physically, let it be the sign that spiritually also you are closer to me in a complete consecration to the Divine and His work.
With my love and blessings,
The Mother
February 11, 1955
My dear child,
Let all the clouds disperse, all the attachments disappear, all the obstacles vanish, so that you can enjoy fully the peace and the joy of being here, so close to me, in the Divine’s abode.
With my love and blessings,
The Mother
February 11, 1956
Bonne Fete!
My dear child,
Let this year bring to you a quiet and peaceful mind, strong nerves and a good health.
With my love and blessings,
The Mother
February 11, 1957
My dear child,
Last year has been indeed a year of true progress.
Open yourself still more to the new light at work in the world and the step forward will be confirmed.
With my love and blessings,
The Mother
February 11, 1958
To my dear child,
Let this coming back to the Ashram be the symbol of a new start, a more intense aspiration, a greater consecration.
With all my love and blessings,
The Mother
February 11, 1959
My dear child Kamala,
I had one night, in December last, one striking proof of the sincerity of your devotion and since then I feel you very close to me. I am happy to tell you this on your birthday.
With my love and blessings,
The Mother
February 11, 1960
To my dear child Kamala,
Bonne Fete!
This is a decisive year for the world, for the Ashram and for all those who sincerely aspire for the Divine Realisation.
Let it be also a decisive year for you.
With my love and blessings,
The Mother
February 11, 1961
To Kamala, my dear child,
Bonne Fete!
Let the peace of a happy certitude be always with you in this progressive march towards Victory.
With my love and blessings,
The Mother
February 11, 1962
Kamala, my dear child,
Bonne Fête!
Let all thoughts, all feelings, all actions, all hopes be turned towards the Divine and concentrated on Him. He is our only help and our only safety.
With my love and blessings,
The Mother
February 11, 1963
Bonne Fete!
To Kamala, my dear child,
With my love and blessings for the realisation of her highest aspirations.
In the Peace, the Joy and the Love of the Lord.
The Mother
February 11, 1964
To my dear child Kamala,
Bonne Fete!
With my love and blessings for the Peace, the Light and the Joy of the Lord to be always with you.
The Mother
February 11, 1965
Kamala, my dear child,
Let the Peace of a perfect faithfulness be settled in your heart this year.
With my love and blessings,
The Mother
February 11, 1965
Bonne Fete!
To Kamala
With love and blessings for a peaceful and luminous year.
The Mother
February 11, 1966
Bonne Fete!
To my dear child
Kamala
With all the strength which comes from an absolute faith in the Divine’s Grace and Love.
The Mother
February 11, 1967
Bonne Fete! To Kamala My dear child, With love and blessings for a luminous year.
The Mother
February 11, 1968
My dear child,
My blessings are with you for peace, contentment and good health. With love,
The Mother
February 11, 1969
With love and blessings for a peaceful and luminous year.
The Mother
February 11, 1970
To my dear child, Kamala and for a peaceful year.
The Mother
January 2, 1932
Introspection
Mother,
Before joining the Ashram, I used to pray to Lord Krishna but when I heard about you and Sri Aurobindo, I started adoring both of you. There was an intense urge to come here. Many times, I had a Darshan of Sri Aurobindo in my dreams when I was in Gujarat. I always prayed to Sri Aurobindo, “O Lord, take me in your refuge.” Once Sri Aurobindo came in my dream and told me that 1 would be there within fifteen days and it happened so. Mother, I was worshipping Radha and Lord Krishna from my childhood and called them my Mother and Father. When I came here and had your Darshan I felt that I had a real Darshan of Radha and Lord Krishna. Afterwards I realized that Lord Krishna had brought me here and taken me under his protection. I call you both my Mother and Father and I truly feel it.
Mother9, is it a fact or an illusion?
There is no mistake – if you have these experiences, you must consider that they are true.
Sri Aurobindo
Undated
For the last few days as I try to become calm and remember you I feel as if your hand is on my head. Mother, is it true?
There is always a force of the Mother with you and in it her presence. That is why you feel as if her hand is on your head.
Sri Aurobindo
October 18, 1932
What happens when one criticises someone?
If a person is in the habit of finding faults with others, what happens to him as well as the one who is faulted?
If you find fault with anybody, that fault is likely to increase in that person and to come also into you.
Sri Aurobindo
Undated
Mother
With Thy Divine Grace, all the wrong suggestions will go away from me. After receiving your letter today I feel peace and experience your Love and Grace, because you love me as a mother loves her child and also I feel unbounded joy in becoming your daughter. Today throughout the day I have been feeling the same love as a child feels for her mother. I feel one with you.
Mother, it is my humble prayer that I should have this type of experience frequently. Mother, is this my imagination or is it true?
It is not imagination – it is true. These are the true feelings and this is your true relation with the Mother.
Sri Aurobindo
February 20, 1933
Mother,
I had written before that I go to sleep in meditation. When I got up from meditation, I felt sleepy and idle. But now onwards, when I get up from meditation, I feel that I have not slept nor I had any thought. Then what did I do? I feel as if my body has become inert, it is not laziness.
It is not sleep – you go inside losing the outer consciousness, that is all. The body remains inert – the inner consciousness is elsewhere.
Mother,
Since 11.30 a.m. today; I feel like crying. Although I am trying to remain calm, I cannot. Mother, I wish to have peace with Thy Grace. Mother, Mother, keep Thy child at Thy feet. But what is the reason?
You should throw it off and remain quiet and open for the 21st.
Sri Aurobindo
March 15, 1933
Mother,
You have not replied to my question why I feel tired.
Is tiredness related to aspiration? What should I do to develop aspiration? I humbly pray at Thy Lotus feet to let me know about it.
A tired condition of the body brings tamas and it is the tamas that prevents the aspiration, because the mind gets inert also. The cause of the fatigue is not clear from what you have written.
It is by opening yourself and calling down the Mother’s force into you that you can get back the aspiration and get rid of the fatigue – whatever the cause of the fatigue may be.
Mother,
Today I felt that you are displeased with me.
No, Mother was not displeased with you. Why should she be?
Mother,
Today you were looking at me intently. When you look at me you take your face away from me, what you see in me – good or bad – I don’t know. I wanted to surrender myself more and more at Thy feet.
But the Mother always looks intently at people like that when she wants to see in them or put something in them. Why should you suppose anything unusual?
Sri Aurobindo
March 16, 1933
Today after pranam I was remembering you and I feel that my heart is fully open and taking something from you. This feeling remained upto 11 a.m. Mother, is this true?
It must have been true.
You don’t like that I keep your photo with me when I go to bed?
Why not? You can freely do so.
Sri Aurobindo
April 8, 1933
Mother,
I asked you yesterday if there was any call or aspiration in me? You have not yet replied to me. What is the reason for not replying?
I was under the impression that I had answered it. Certainly, you have the call and the aspiration – the very fact that you could not remain in Gujarat is a sufficient proof of it.
Sri Aurobindo
July 6, 1933
Mother,
For the last so many days, I feel I have not been open towards you. Is it true or false? I humbly pray at Thy Lotus feet to make me aware of it or to make me understand it.
Mother does not find you closed.
Sri Aurobindo
July 13, 1933
For about a month I am having a feeling that the devotion, love and aspiration for the Divine have disappeared from me. I feel the same even during the morning pranam. Mother, I pray to Thee to shower Thy Grace and inspire me to have the devotion, love and aspiration for Thee again. Mother, what may be the reason for this?
You may have allowed your consciousness to go too much outward and get taken up by ordinary things? It is usually when the outer physical consciousness covers up the inner being that this happens. The aspiration is not gone, but it no longer rises to the surface. If you remain very quiet inwardly and call to the Mother, it should come back.
Sri Aurobindo
December 19, 1933
Mother,
Although I come to you only once a day, how do I feel if you don’t smile at me? Neither can I go from here nor do I like to stay without you. Am I not progressing? Is there no aspiration in me? I did not write earlier because I felt so disappointed.
It is surely your own imagination since the Mother does smile at you; she has nothing against you, you have committed no fault and there has been no interruption in the progress. Sometimes when there are strong attacks in the atmosphere, Mother may be absorbed at the pranam, but that only happens sometimes and you are not the cause.
Mother,
I do not want to go, I cannot remain without you.
Throw away this , Mother.
Protect me at your lotus feet.
What shall I do?
Keep quiet, do not get restless, the desire will go away. I shall see you for a few minutes this morning.
The Mother
May 2, 1934
Mother,
For a month, I have been having constant thoughts of going to Gujarat and, on the other hand, I am having thoughts of staying at Thy Lotus feet. The conflict is going on.
I am quite sure that I am not going to be happy there, still I cannot prevent these thoughts. Why am I having these thoughts repeatedly?
I humbly pray at Thy feet to remove these thoughts from my inner mind.
These thoughts must be coming to you from the people over there.
Sri Aurobindo
February 23, 1936
Mother,
Sometimes I got confused but still I felt that Thy grace and Thy Divine Hand were on my head. I do not know why I was confused.
It is perhaps something in the atmosphere that tried to invade you.
Sri Aurobindo
April 8, 1937
Mother,
It is my humble prayer to allow me to leave the Ashram. I cannot do this yoga. I shall remember you from far. It is my prayer to Sri Aurobindo to write in such a way that I can read it.
This idea of going away is a wrong suggestion – so is the idea that you will not be able to do the yoga. Do not allow these suggestions, which are moving about in the Ashram from one person to another, to affect you or carry you away.
Sri Aurobindo
April 9, 1937
Mother,
There is a strong desire to visit and see the different places of the world. What is the reason for it? What shall I do?
It is a restlessness of the vital which does not want to remain in the same place. In some people as in Kantilal it is very acute and they are always going from place to place. It is one of the things in the vital that has to be kept under control by the will.
Mother,
Many times, I feel hatred towards my own self because I neither have the ability nor the skill in me to do anything. I start doing some work and then leave it undone. I have no perseverance. What is the reason for this?
These also come from a certain restlessness in the vital. Most people put a control of the will on those things and try to get rid of them in that way. But they disappear fully only when the inner being is awakened and a new Force (the Mother’s) begins fully to work in the nature.
Mother,
How can I do yoga when I do not know anything about your yoga? I do not also know what to do.
There are two ways of doing yoga, one by knowledge and one’s own efforts, the other by reliance on the Mother. In the last way one has to offer one’s mind and heart and all to the Mother for her Force to act on it, call her in all difficulties, have faith and bhakti. At first it takes time, often a long time, for the consciousness to be prepared in this way and during that time many difficulties can come up, but if one perseveres, a time comes when all is ready. The Mother’s Force opens the consciousness fully to the Divine, then all that must develop, develops within, spiritual experience comes and with it the knowledge and union with the Divine.
Sri Aurobindo
May 1, 1937
Mother,
For the last few days, sometimes I feel good and sometimes bad. I do not understand this state of my being. I feel like a puppet, sometimes happy and sometimes sad.
These vibrations are natural to the vital, but ordinarily they take the pretext of some outward cause; when no such cause is found they still come and it is then because they seem to have no reason that one feels like that – as if one were a puppet of these movements. In fact all human beings are moved like that – like puppets by the vital nature, but they don’t perceive it. It is only when one gets a higher spiritual control that one is the master not the puppet of the nature.
Sri Aurobindo
Guidance in Daily Activities
These are a few selected questions and answers for guidance in daily activities from 1931 to 1939.
September 7, 1931
Dear Father,
I am awaiting a reply from you. Please give me an answer.
There is no use in going to Gujarat for learning English. You can learn it here, if you want, much better than you could at any school.
Sri Aurobindo
March 18, 1932
My dear Mother,
I want to make a sari. In the sari I want to make the flower of Obedience. Please, choose the colour, shades and design and give me a sample which I can send to Bombay. Jagadish will send the silk threads. I have got fifteen rupees which Jagadish has sent (with food expense) for buying silk threads for the sari.
Mother will see the samples of colour and send them to you – she will ask Amal for the design.
Sri Aurobindo
April 19, 1932
Mother,
Silk threads been received today from Bombay. Please, send a message for me whenever you find time. It is my humble request that the Mother show me how to use four kinds of colours.
Yes, Mother will call you as soon as she is able.
Sri Aurobindo
June 21, 1932
Mother,
Sometimes I like to ride the bicycle. May I go for cycling at 7 p. m. when there is moonlight?
It is not possible for women of the Ashram to go out on a cycle like that.
Sri Aurobindo
September 22, 1932
Mother,
I am very fond of learning music. When I went to Gujarat, it was one of the reasons for going.
I went to Gujarat disobeying you. Before I left, I was not well and on reaching there my health became even worse. But as soon as I reached Pondicherry, there was a remarkable change in my physical, mental and spiritual health due to your complete Grace.
Mother arranged for my learning English and also gave me a chance to learn music with Sahana. She repeatedly told me: “If you want to learn music, you must have a harmonium to practise at home.” Mahesh brought a harmonium from Gujarat. I sent this harmonium to be shown to you through Nolini. But I did not receive any answer. I had told Sahana that I did not like this harmonium because it did not have a pleasing tone, still I started practising for half an hour -9.30 to 10.00 a.m.
Afterwards Champaklal started coming to learn music at my place. He informed me of your opinion about the harmonium. I never played it in the evening. Mahesh used to play it for sometime and Champaklal played between 7 to 7.30 p. m. Now my music practice has stopped.
What shall I do to learn music? Shall I ask for a new harmonium?
The Mother was not against your learning music, but if you practise with this bad harmonium, you will spoil your voice for ever.
Perhaps Dilip will now be able to lend you from time to time his small harmonium, as there is now a big one for Nandini and Lalita.
Mother did not mind your playing between 9 and 10 in the morning.
Sri Aurobindo
Undated
Mother,
In the crown may I put silver thread or not? Where to put it?
Yes. In the centre of the flowers and around the leaves if there are leaves.
Sri Aurobindo
November 21, 1932
Mother,
Often I get stomachache. Why do I feel these things?
Are you careful about what you eat? Do you take food other than the Ashram food?
Sri Aurobindo
September 2, 1933
Mother,
There is something like a small boil in the corner of my left eye. What shall I do?
Show to Becharlal.
Sri Aurobindo
Undated
Mother,
I want to swim in the sea. If Mother permits, I may go.
With whom do you think of going and how would you dress?
Sri Aurobindo
Undated
Mother,
By your Grace, I was saved two or three times from falling. I had a fall once only and today hot milk fell on my hand while boiling it. I received little burns only and no boils as I immediately applied the ointment Pomedkadam.
What is the reason for these repeated accidents though I am saved by your grace?
It is like that sometimes with everybody without any special cause.
Sri Aurobindo
Undated
Mother,
Anu asked me if I wanted to go for swimming. I said, “I shall ask the Mother. If she says yes, I shall come.” Ambubhai is going to take Anu for a swim to a place where nobody goes. If the Mother permits me, I shall go too.
Mother takes no responsibility and gives no approval. If you are anxious to do it, you may do so, but by your own choice.
Sri Aurobindo
Undated
Mother,
What am I to understand? For preparing my Father’s dhoti?
I will go for washing this afternoon.
There is a dhoti already folded so it is not necessary unless Motiben remains ill for several days.
Sri Aurobindo
Undated
Mother,
I have learnt these patterns from Vasudha. Please, select one to be drawn on my respected Father’s dhoti.
Mother has marked with a cross the patterns chosen.
Sri Aurobindo
January 8, 1934
Mother,
Blood oozes out from my throat when I sleep in the afternoon.
You must not sleep soon after meals – wait for half an hour or more.
Sri Aurobindo
Undated
Mother,
This dhoti border I myself have done. This is the first time I have done work with gold-thread. I did not learn from anybody. I have tried myself, therefore I have done a simple border. I could not do it well.
I pray to Mother if she wishes to give it to my Father on the twenty-first of February. The dhoti also is folded by me.
The dhoti is very good. Sri Aurobindo will wear it on the 21st.
With love and blessings.
The Mother
March 22, 1935
Mother,
I cannot get a piece of cloth of proper length for my respected Father’s dhoti. How many yards of cloth should I buy for dhoti and chaddar for him?
Chaddar 3.5 yards. For the dhoti ask Nolini.
Sri Aurobindo
May 1, 1935
I am sending the tea account of this month.
Very good.
With my blessings.
Sri Aurobindo
February 9, 1936
Gracious Mother,
If you like these calendars you can keep them. I shall be glad. Pranam at the lotus feet of the Mother.
Yes, I like them and shall keep them.
Blessings.
The Mother
April 11, 1937
Mother,
With your permission, Amrita took my embroidery frame for someone. I now want a frame, any will do.
You can ask Amrita whether he can get back the frame.
Sri Aurobindo
May 4, 1937
Mother,
Last time my father Kashibhai came he asked me if I wanted an electric table fan. Shall I ask for it? I feel very hot in my room.
The difficulty is that if the Mother allows one to bring a fan, she will have to allow all who ask.
Sri Aurobindo
July 20, 1937
Mother,
A few days back, Anu asked me whether I would come to learn ‘Lathi’, I said yes if Mother gives permission and Ambubhai takes the responsibility of teaching me. There is plenty of room in Shanta’s house for teaching Lathi. If you give the permission, he will teach me.
No. Lathi play for girls has not the approval of the Mother.
Sri Aurobindo
February 10, 1938
Gracious Mother,
Shall I bring my vina tomorrow? Although I do not know much, I can practise sa re ga ma.
You can bring your vina if you like. Love and blessings to my dear child.
The Mother
September 16, 1939
Earlier you used to give me your precious blessings on a piece of paper which I sent to you with the orange notebook every day. I would like to get it bound. I pray for your kind permission.
Yes – my love and blessings.
The Mother
Dreams (With Sri Aurobindo’s Interpretations)
October 2, 1932
Mother,
What is the meaning of the lotus in the water and the swan near the lotus?
The lotus is the offering of the consciousness, the swan is the soul.
Mother,
Last night I saw a dream. Mother put a big packet of saffron (kumkum) in my hand.
What is the symbolic meaning of saffron (kumkum)?
Yes. It means purification – so if it has any significance, it can only mean that the Mother gave you a power of purification to use.
Mother,
Last night I saw a dream. There was a big city near a seashore, but it was on a great height above sea level and in this city there were many bungalows. The bungalows were far apart and the population scanty (in proportion to the bungalows or land). But there was no light in the city. It was dark everywhere. In this city, I had to go from one bungalow to another. One bungalow was very far, I was ready to go but I had much luggage with me. So 1 was confused about what to do with the luggage. At last, a cart driver came near me and said, “Ben, I shall take you wherever you want to go, but what will you pay me?” I agreed to pay him eight annas. An ox was joined to the cart and a small boy started to drive it. The cart was as small as the boy. The reins of the ox were in his hands, but he was carelessly driving and allowed the cart to go anywhere. I felt as if he would throw me in the sea. As the careless driving happened repeatedly, I took the reins in my hand and bringing the cart on to the road I gave the reins to the boy. I had to do this very often. After this, I woke up from my sleep.
Mother, what is the meaning of going from one bungalow to another? And why was there darkness in the city? What is the meaning of the cart and why did the little boy drive so carelessly? I humbly pray at your lotus feet to let me know the significance.
The town represents the physical consciousness in which there is no light. The boy represents a force or a person who wants to take you away from your safe place high above the sea level. Everything about him is small and inefficient – he does not know how to drive and would throw you into a great calamity (falling into the pits) – it is not something that will happen, but something that would or might happen, if you allowed yourself to make the change. It is a repetition in other forms of the meaning of your dreams about the woman in the Meditation House.
Sri Aurobindo
(N.B. The narration of the following dream is missing, therefore, only Sri Aurobindo’s interpretation is given below.)
November 1, 1932
Kamala,
In your dream the woman you saw was clearly the appearance taken by a hostile force that wanted to take you out of the Ashram and the yoga and the Mother’s protection into the ordinary consciousness and the world and the life outside. If any pressure of that kind comes in any form, what you have to do is resolutely and persistently to say No; for then the hostile force loses its strength and can do nothing. The other details of the dream were all symbolic of the approach of your inner being to the Mother.
Sri Aurobindo
November 7, 1932
Mother,
It was early morning between 5.30 to 5.45 a.m. I was standing with Champaklal in the corner of his terrace ladder. There was one high wall near the door of the Rosary House which is in the courtyard of the Library House. There was something like a terrace. On that, there were beautiful green crotons; Sri Aurobindo came near the wall from the new room and the Mother also followed him. I told Champaklal that Sri Aurobindo and the Mother had come there. Sri Aurobindo started drawing a string swiftly from high above. I could not make out whether from the sky or from other places. The string was being drawn when I looked up, the string could be seen upto some height only. I could not see beyond that. Still the string was continuously coming down and I thought that a heap must have formed, but when I looked down I found it to be very little; otherwise in proportion to which Sri Aurobindo was drawing, there should have been a big heap. The speed of drawing the string was beyond imagination.
I saw this dream at daytime.
Mother, what is this string? I could not make out from where it came? Why could I not see it? I humbly pray to you to explain the meaning so that I may understand the dream.
Kamala,
The strings you saw me pulling down are the lines of consciousness which can connect the personal being with the Divine Truth; they are above out of reach, I am bringing them down into the human mind, life and body. You can see only a part of them because they reach into the heights far above the human mind, and you see only a little of what is brought down because they go into all parts of Nature down to the subconscient of which the ordinary human mind can see very little. That is the meaning of the dream.
Sri Aurobindo
December 4, 1932
Mother,
Last night I saw my sister Yashoda in my dream. This evening when Mother came on the terrace, I was looking at her from my window. At that time I felt as if Yashoda came there and started loving me.
Mother, these days, I have been seeing Mahesh, Yashoda, Haribhai and Dayaben in my dream. Mother, I want to go to bed as well as wake up calling your name and remembering nothing but your face. Why are my relatives frequently coming in my dreams? Please help me uproot these things from my being.
Do you think of them or speak of them much in the daytime? If so, it will come up in your sleep also and bring them in your dreams to you.
Sri Aurobindo
August 24, 1933
Mother,
I saw the following dream two days back.
I along with two or three ladies had gone to the beach for a stroll. Suddenly, I started going straight up into the sky, higher and higher. At first, I was wondering as to what may happen to me, but soon this thought disappeared. After going up about one mile, I thought whether Bhagirath would have gone as high to bring down the Ganga on the earth. At that height, I found that the atmosphere was quite different and very pleasant. I saw golden light around me. The other ladies with me started screaming and said that Kamu vanished somewhere. When I looked down from that height, I saw the sea beneath and felt that in case I fell down I would be drowned. But after sometime I gradually returned safely to the earth. But this was a little away from the place from where I had gone up. Afterwards my eyes opened. Mother, does this mean anything?
The sea was the sea of the vital consciousness by which men ordinarily live. The stairs are the stairs of sadhana by which one tries to ascend to the Divine Truth – on these you were able to climb up through the Mind till you were able to see the golden Light of the Divine Truth. When you came down from this glimpse to the ordinary consciousness you found that even in the ordinary you had reached a higher level than before – a level above the vital nature.
Sri Aurobindo
August 26, 1933
Mother,
There was a terrace and all the sadhaks were meditating but some were talking amongst them. Mother, when you came down the stairs for meditation, you saw some of them talking. Seeing this, you said, “Even while meditating you talk!” You became very angry and went upstairs suddenly. Seeing this, I felt that now we would not have the chance to offer pranam to Mother. So I followed her but I could not utter a word. Looking at my sad face, Mother said, “All are allowed to offer their pranams.” Then we all bowed down to her and Mother gave us flowers, which we carried happily with us.
Mother, does it have any meaning?
No, it has no symbolic meaning – it is simply something that you saw on the vital plane.
Sri Aurobindo
Undated
Mother,
Tonight I saw in my dream that you wrote something in English on a small piece of paper. I tried to read it but I could not, still I felt very happy and thought that Mother had written something nice for me.
Mother, I pray to you to tell me what you wrote.
It may have been something about your coming to the Mother,– that Mother was not forgetting you. Generally when one sees a letter like that, it is the thought which the person writing it wants to convey to you.
Sri Aurobindo
Undated
Mother,
The other day I saw you in my dream.
You were distributing soup to everyone in the hall where somebody told me that Ambu was making various idols of God out of clay. I went to see them and selected from them an idol of Lord Krishna resting in the lap of Sheshnag. However, I ran back to the hall without taking that idol thinking that the Mother might finish the distribution of soup. I found that the Mother had already finished her work and got up and she was instructing Champaklal to keep the little remaining quantity of soup on the small stove in the hall so that it would remain hot. Thinking that the Mother would not know, I started going back but she saw and called me. I went to the Mother and she happily gave me the soup and patted me. This made me very happy. The Mother had worn a blue sari.
Does this mean anything?
No – it simply happened in the vital plane.
Sri Aurobindo
(The narrations of the following dreams are lost. Only Sri Aurobindo’s interpretations are given below.)
Undated
It must have been your psychic being that was there as a child with the psychic beings of others. The two chained people may be the mind and the vital, kept chained so as to allow the psychic to have play. They get free from time to time and the vital may do mischief – which you felt.
Sri Aurobindo
Undated
It is a dream of the vital plane in which Mother was giving the things indicated by the garlands, new birth, transformation etc.
Sri Aurobindo
Undated
Mother,
I saw you in my dream last night. I offered my pranam to you and you pressed your full hand over my head with force and then you gave me a white Offering flower and a big stalk of Tulsi. I felt so happy.
Mother, does it have any meaning?
No, except just what happened. The Mother blessed you in the vital and gave you devotion and self-offering.
Sri Aurobindo
Undated
Mother,
This evening when I sat in meditation I saw the very bright colour of the Supramental Beauty flower before my eyes. I could not make out whether the colour itself was bright or it looked brighter due to the reflection of light falling on it. Behind this colour, I saw a figure – it seemed like a map of India. The colour of the map was to some extent creamy. Mother, what is the meaning?
When I sit in meditation and do japa of Mother, Mother, Mother, everything becomes quiet. I find peace inside and outside and I chant Mother, Mother, Mother very vigorously and I feel tremendous peace. This time I heard the word Mother, Mother, Mother in the surrounding atmosphere too.
I had this sort of experience before I went to Gujarat. But after coming from Gujarat, it stopped. This morning, it started again. I pray Mother to help me.
What is it that I hear as Mother, Mother around me. Is it true or a delusion?
The atmosphere you carry around you is part of your consciousness as much as the rest that you feel inside you. When you repeat the name of the Mother, it begins to echo in all your consciousness the Mother, outside as well as inside you. What you experience therefore is quite true and it is a good experience.
Sri Aurobindo
Undated
Mother,
Last night I saw as follows.
In the morning, like all other persons I also went to the Mother to offer my salutations. After doing my salutations, when I raised my head, the Mother gave me a pink flower and said, “You are unfit for this yoga. You are not progressing in it and you do not even remember us.”
Mother, I feel the other way, that is, for the last so many days I have remembered Sri Aurobindo and you more and more. As regards my progress in yoga, who else can know better than you?
It may have been simply a formation in the vital, a suggestion meant to disturb you. If there was any truth in it, it must have been not to you but to some part of your being that Mother was speaking, telling it that it was not progressing or remembering her and at the same time she was giving you the flower indicating some psychic consciousness or movement by which this inertia would be removed.
Sri Aurobindo
Undated
Mother,
For the last ten or fifteen days, I have been having a fear about some snake. When I go to bed to sleep, I feel as if a snake is moving around my bed and also near my feet. This morning when I went to the bathroom I actually stepped on a scorpion but I was saved by Thy Grace. Mother, why am I having this fear of a snake?
It is not clear. It looks like a suggestion (imagination) of the vital plane forced upon your mind. Did you kill the scorpion?
Sri Aurobindo
Undated
Mother,
I have been seeing my sister Yashoda and all members of my family in my night’s dream.
Mother, help me to see you and remember only you in my dream.
These dreams in which one sees relatives, known people, scenes of the old life come from the subconscient and such dreams are easily remembered than others because this part is nearest to the physical.
Sri Aurobindo
Undated
Mother,
I see Jagdish, my younger brother, coming here in my dream. When I ask him why he came back so soon, in less than three days, he replies that he has been here only and did not go to Gujarat for ever.
It is probably simply a thought of his on the vital plane that came to you.
Sri Aurobindo
February 7, 1934
Mother,
This evening at 7.00 p.m. when I was sitting in meditation I saw a big heap of blue ‘Sincerity’ flowers on the staircase of the meditation house in a blue ocean.
Mother, does this mean anything?
Perhaps it is the infinite sincerity in the Divine.
Sri Aurobindo
February 4, 1935
Mother,
Last night I saw a dream.
At night, all were meditating in the compound of the meditation house. I came to offer my pranams to you. I said, “Of late, I feel tremendous affection for you and I also feel very very happy.” Hearing this, you were pleased and patted me on my shoulder and then you gave me a white flower and a piece of golden thread.
The meaning of the flower would depend on what flower it was. It is likely to be some kind of purity since it was white, but of what part is not clear without knowing the kind of flower. Gold thread would mean something of the divine Truth in the consciousness.
Sri Aurobindo
March 17, 1935
Mother,
I saw the following dream.
There was a big building amongst many trees of “Realisation”. When I was wandering among them, Hiren saw me and he lifted me with his arms, so I reached the top of the “Realisation” trees. He asked me to collect as many flowers as possible. Saying so, he took me to four or five trees. I plucked flowers with child-like joy. When I saw this dream, I felt as if I was seven years old.
Does it have any meaning?
It was probably some force lifting your psychic being (the child) so that it could arrive at some realisations. The figure of Hiren in the dream was probably only a mental figure representing the Force – it was not Hiren himself. The mind often brings in familiar figures in this way.
Sri Aurobindo
April 10, 1935
Mother,
“This time, when my father Kashibhai comes, I feel that he is going to die.” These thoughts are constantly haunting me, sometimes these thoughts go away and come again.
Two-three days back, I saw in my dream that Kashibhai had gone mad.
Mother, lately I am having bad dreams in my sleep. It is my humble prayer to save me from such dreams and make me see you only.
This and the dreams about madness are suggestions in the atmosphere (people have been thinking much about death and madness) taking form as thoughts and dreams.
Sri Aurobindo
January 9, 1937
Mother,
I saw a dream like this. I came to see you on my birthday. You said to me, “Kamala, I willingly allow you to go to Gujarat for a few days.” If it is true, may I go to Gujarat after 21st February?
The dream must have been a formation in your mind in dream – for there was no such intention on the part of the Mother.
Sri Aurobindo
May 30, 1940
“Determination.”
After hearing your word from the roof of the library house I was very happy and I began saying to Anilbaran, “See, how majestic the Mother looks!”
Mother, what is the meaning of this?
Trying to aspire to be your true child.
It was the symbolic representation of some of my world activities.
With my love and blessings.
The Mother
Undated
It was a moonlit night. I was sitting in Motiben’s lap under a banyan tree by the sea shore, enjoying the sight of the surging waves. All of a sudden the tide turned and started rising. I even told Motiben that we might get drowned because it appeared like Pralaya to me. Soon a huge wave drowned us and we were submerged in water. But I was not afraid at all; on the contrary, I found it very enjoyable.
Mother, what is the significance of this dream?
The sea must have been only the symbol of a new consciousness submerging the old.
Sri Aurobindo
Guidance on Painting
Undated
My dear Gracious Mother,
After a long time I have done this flower which you gave this morning.
It is very well done.
Sri Aurobindo
Undated
Mother,
How do you find the flower today?
It is well done.
Sri Aurobindo
Undated
Mother,
Today I have not drawn a flower, instead I have drawn this picture. Will it do?
It is very good indeed.
Sri Aurobindo
Undated
Mother,
How do you find the flowers today? Will they be useful to you? These flowers are done for you.
They are very well done and will certainly be of use to Mother; Mother will be glad to have any more you can do like that.
Sri Aurobindo
Undated
Mother,
I have drawn this painting directly from nature. Please show me the defects in this.
It is very well done this time. No defects.
Sri Aurobindo
Undated
Mother,
Today I tried to draw the sky. How do you find it?
The colours of the sky are pretty, but the sky is vague, indefinite.
Sri Aurobindo
Undated
Mother,
After seeing one picture, I have done a landscape with trees and birds. I have drawn these birds without seeing them anywhere and added something of my own from my imagination. How is it done?
The tree and the birds are good.
Sri Aurobindo
Undated
Mother,
Today I have drawn on the cover horizontally although it is vertical. Can I do like this? How is the tree?
The tree is well done.
Sri Aurobindo
Undated
Mother,
I have copied this peacock from the cover of the book “Meghdoot”.
It is very pretty. Blessings.
The Mother
Undated
Mother,
Out of the pictures given to Champaklal I have drawn one which I found quite easy and today I am sending it to you. How do you find it?
It is very well done.
Sri Aurobindo
Undated
Mother,
I have drawn this picture from the one you gave me. How do you find it?
It is good.
Sri Aurobindo
Undated
Mother,
I have made this design on the plain cover. I have made it out of some waste colour. How is it?
It is very pretty.
Sri Aurobindo
Undated
Mother,
Here I am sending the books which I received from Mahesh. One is for Champaklal.
The book on oil painting contains some good information about the nature of colours.
The Mother
Undated
Mother,
Here are some black and white pictures discarded by Champaklal because they got spoiled. The two coloured ones are done by me.
The flowers are good, but the black and white sketches are not successful.
Sri Aurobindo
Undated
Mother,
Please guide me so that 1 may improve my paintings.
What Mother wants to know is whether you want flowers? Landscapes? Black and white? Colours?
Sri Aurobindo
Undated
Mother,
Today I have done another lotus bud.
It is very pretty.
I want something for copying.
What kind of thing do you want? With my blessings.
The Mother
Undated
Mother,
Today also I have done on my own, as I had nothing to copy from.
Mother has given some pictures (Japanese paintings) to Champaklal. You can try those if he has finished.
Sri Aurobindo
January 15, 1933
Mother,
Today I have drawn this picture from my own imagination. 1 do not know how to draw a road. I have not drawn well.
It is because you do not know perspective and the painting of a road depends on that. You will have to learn perspective.
Sri Aurobindo
March 23, 1933
Kamala,
I have accepted your beautiful painting box and I will make use of it. But truly I have no use for this drawing paper. So it is better if you take it back and use it for making your paintings.
The Mother
May 24, 1933
Mother,
I had drawn two mangoes on this paper but they did not come out well, so I tried it second time.
How do you find the second attempt?
Fairly good.
Sri Aurobindo
July 6, 1933
Mother,
I try to put light and shade in my painting but I do not know where to put them.
You must look at the flower and where you see it on the flower, put it on the painting.
Sri Aurobindo
July 27, 1933
Mother,
I have drawn this figure. How do you find it? I have copied it.
It is well done.
Sri Aurobindo
August 7, 1933
Mother,
This drawing is copied from a Japanese picture. After finishing the picture, when I looked at it, I was astonished at how I could do it.
I never did any drawing in my school days, I even used to go away home every time there was a drawing class. But here, with Thy Grace how much I can do!
I remember a sloka which my father used to chant when I was young. The meaning of this sloka is as follows: Mother, with Thy Grace or with Thy Touch, the blind can see and the lame can cross the mountain.
How do you find the drawing today?
It is really well done. Mother finds you are making good progress.
Sri Aurobindo
September 18, 1933
Mother,
The path in this painting which I have drawn, is it properly done? I could not draw the garden properly. Mother, what should I do to learn perspective? I am sending another painting with this.
You must learn about the perspective.
No. See carefully what the Mother has done – She will send this one arranged.
Sri Aurobindo
September 21, 1933
Mother,
Is the road properly done?
It is much better this time.
Sri Aurobindo
October 31, 1933
Mother,
How do you find the picture drawn today?
It is just a little heavy this time.
Sri Aurobindo
November 19, 1933
Mother,
I have done a landscape for the first time. How do you find it?
It shows much improvement and progress.
Sri Aurobindo
December 12, 1933
Mother,
Today I have drawn a bird sitting on the branch of a tree. It is done from some other picture, though not copied exactly. Is the moon rightly drawn? The colours of the bird and the tree are my selection.
Are they all right?
The moon and the small branches and the leaves are good. The bird and its colours are rather too fanciful.
Sri Aurobindo
Undated
Dear Mummy,
This picture I have done without anybody’s help. I pray Mummy for some instructions. At the lotus feet of my Mummy.
Difficult to explain in writing – if you come to-morrow (Thursday) at about 1.30 p.m. I shall explain the things to you. Blessings.
The Mother
January 31, 1936
Gracious Mother,
This lotus I have done from nature.
It is quite good.
The Mother
Undated
Mother,
I want to draw portraits. Today I have drawn the legs from some book directly with a brush without using a pencil.
Should I draw with a pencil first?
May I draw from a book?
Should I learn to do the portraits or continue to draw the flowers? Please guide me.
You can try the human figure but it is better to learn to draw it first, before painting. You can draw from the books. Until you have tried we cannot say whether you have a disposition for the human figure.
Sri Aurobindo
May 11, 1938
The paintings are good.
Love and blessings.
The Mother
April 9, 1937
Mother,
How can I do yoga when I do not know anything about your yoga? I do not also know what to do.
There are two ways of doing yoga, one by knowledge and one’s own efforts, the other by reliance on the Mother. In the last way one has to offer one’s mind and heart and all to the Mother for her Force to act on it, call her in all difficulties, have faith and bhakti. At first it takes time, often a long time, for the consciousness to be prepared in this way and during that time many difficulties can come up, but if one perseveres a time comes when all is ready. The Mother’s Force opens the consciousness fully to the Divine, then all that must develop, develops within, spiritual experience comes and with it the knowledge and union with the Divine.
Sri Aurobindo
1 Collected Works of the Mother, Vol. 2, p. 30.
2 Sri Aurobindo Birth Centenary Library, Vol. 23, pp. 1023-24.
3 Translated from the original French.
4 Translated from the original French.
5 Translated from the original French.
6 Translated from the original French.
7 Translated from the original French.
8 Translated from the original French.
9 Letters addressed to the Mother used to be answered by Sri Aurobindo.