The Mother

Agenda

Volume 10

November 12, 1969

(Mother looks for some filler for the next Bulletin.)

I have something here:

“In life the most precious things are among those you do not see with your physical eyes.”

(Satprem translates into French, omitting “among”)

No, I didn't say “are those,” I said “are among those,” because there are also the worst things!

Could we also put something brief from Sri Aurobindo?

(Satprem reads)

“Every truth, however true in itself, yet taken apart from others which at once limit and complete it, becomes a snare to bind the intellect and a misleading dogma...

Oh, this is very good.

“...For in reality, each is one thread of a complex weft and no thread must be taken apart from the weft.”

We must put it!

*
*   *

So...

You have nothing to ask? Nothing to say?...

What about you?

Work at an accelerated pace.

I feel very harassed.

Harassed?

Especially in the subconscient.

Oh, me too! Oh, there's a general revolt.

But the consciousness of the “how,” that is to say, of what must be done inwardly, is growing more and more clear and precise. But everything, absolutely everything seems to be going awry – people, things, everything. Not a day passes when I am not told four or five hair-raising stories... and some take place here.

At the same time, the consciousness is clear, clear, increasingly clear.

But I can't see what has the power to dissolve that, because in the waking consciousness one is more or less... I won't say luminous, but anyway, striving towards the Light; then you close your eyes and fall asleep-three minutes later you're being chased and fighting against things .... Why is it like that? What can dissolve that?

Oh, is it like that?

Yes. What can dissolve that?

The Supreme's consciousness, the true consciousness.

Yes, but then you feel as if you close your eyes and are someone else, and that's that.

(Mother gasps for breath)

It's true, I spent years and years and years changing that – that is, having the consciousness remain conscious the whole night. But it takes a very long time.

Do you do a concentration before going to sleep?

Oh, always. That's the surprising thing, in fact.

What's the nature of it? Vital or mental?

I feel it's vital .... Last night, for instance, there was a huge ship on which I was a stowaway, or ticketless, and I spent I don't know how many hours running from one place to another to hide, chased because I had no ticket, or because I had no right to be there, chased and pursued. What world is that?

The vital.

And what ship is that?... Society?

But it's very interesting, tell me!

(after a silence)

You see, all movements of evolution – all of them, on whatever plane they may be – all movements of evolution are expressed as a means of transport: ship, train, car, anything. So then... were there lots of people on the ship?

Yes, a lot.

Was it a big ship?

Yes, it was a big liner.

Then (laughing) it's surely that! It's collective evolution, as it is according to the laws of ordinary nature, and what you represented there was the higher knowledge wanting to change the pace, change the course of the ship. It's very clear. And of course (laughing), you know the ways of the world: it doesn't want to be troubled! So you had to hide.

Oh, yes, I was chased, I ran from one cabin to another, looking for some corner or the other to take refuge.

Yes, that's it.

It's very tiring.

Only, if in your sleep you remained in touch with the supreme Consciousness, instead of feeling chased, you would probably have felt that you WANTED to be there, that you were not wanted and were hiding so as to do your work. It's simply a nuance in the sensation, you understand? But this image... oh, how many times it's happened to me!

Me too, several times.

Yes, and places with a huge crowd that wants to attack you. But then, when you remain like that, in contact, you have the sensation of this Consciousness guiding you away from all ill wills.

It's very interesting! It's a very correct image. That's how they are, those who show the way.

They're assailed.

Assailed, yes, literally.

It's in the vital, but if the vital keeps contact, then you can see that you are assailed, but you know you are fully protected. So then, you do what's necessary so as not to be found, but you don't have a sensation of threat.

Yes, those things will change only when... when the world changes. But right now, it's fully in revolt, oh, as if something had been thrown into it which caused a seething furor everywhere.

Because even during the day, without any reason, at times I have the feeling that everything grates, that I am ill at ease or unwell. And yet, in my clear consciousness, there's no ground for it.

Yes, that's right. But recently (quite recently, once yesterday, and once last Friday), I had that sort of... (what's the word? I don't know what they call it, but he thinks¹ it's a “disease” – I said, “I have no diseases!”)... it's the nerves, the nerves which are nervously attacked by others' nervous atmosphere – it results in almost intolerable sufferings. Since I settled here, I had never had that, it was Sri Aurobindo who took it away from me (I had explained it to him: it had happened to me when I went back from India to France, and it was rather serious). But since I came here, never. And it came back the other day through someone who was here and who caused it. Yet that someone doesn't know at all and has no CONSCIOUS ill will. And yesterday again, with someone else, it was the same thing. So I had to... put the Lord on the nerves forcefully – it took me more than half or three quarters of an hour to succeed in restoring order. Then I said to myself, “Goodness! The battle is getting serious.”

It's a “disease.” They call it a disease of the nerves: all the nerves are sensitized and suffer terribly. When I first had it, I could no longer eat, no longer sleep, no longer move, no longer... And that was because...² I had done something mad: I went back to France after leaving my psychic being here; so it seized me as soon as I was far enough from the atmosphere; as soon as I entered the Mediterranean, it began. And it was very serious.

Now and then, there were attacks like that, but when I came back here, Sri Aurobindo drove it away com-plete-ly (that was long ago). It's only last Friday that it came, and yesterday... I hope it won't recur.

But that's the battle .... It's like what's happening there for P.L.: everywhere it's a battle. Especially in the vital, especially, still more than in the mind; in the mind, there's a movement of understanding, but in the vital... a rage, you know, a rage.

We must hold out. That's what I said to myself: we just have to hold out, there's nothing else to be done.

And the only way is... you understand, it's to cling to the Supreme Consciousness (Mother clenches her two fists), and to cling to such a point that It alone exists – not to be directly conscious of the surrounding ill will. That's very important. You see, there is NOTHING but the Supreme, all the rest doesn't exist, isn't true. Like this (same gesture with clenched fists). So then, one must do like that, hold on like that, as if you stood on a peak surrounded by attacking waves.

You understand, the consciousness can no longer feel – it sees, it is aware, but it can no longer feel, that's over. But the physical is still... I thought that was over, but it can still feel.

It's vital ill will, everywhere. It makes people unpleasant, angry, with reactions...

We only have to hold out, that's all – nothing to be done, there's nothing else to be done.

(silence)

If we aren't capable, then everything has to be done all over again!

(silence)

It's the possibility for the physical cells to bear out the physical transformation. That's why... that's why there is death! (laughing) When one can't bear up, one dies.

It's not a joke, you know. But it's interesting.

It's interesting because, I remember, I had already been doing the yoga; I already had an experience greater than most people have when I had that difficulty with the nerves (it was in 1915), I remember how it was and how I held out. And it has come back after... 1915 and now it's 1969, that is to say more than fifty years later. And I really felt the difference in my body, really. The first day it came (I should tell you that it's one of the pains regarded as hardest to bear), when it came, the only... there was nothing but, “Ah, You.” That's all. Like that. And clinging like this (same gesture with clenched fists), not moving anymore. Those are pains that prevent you from breathing, prevent you from moving; they're extreme, all the nerves go awry; well, before, I knew, I would call, but I was somehow (at least partly) identified with the pain, whereas this time, the reaction wasn't one of suffering – the suffering was there, but no reaction of... oh, what might be expressed as that wonderful “self-pity” people always have. Well, that was completely gone, there was only, “Ah!... You, You, You, You, You...” And there was a pressure on the person who was there – who by the way wasn't aware of anything, neither the other day nor yesterday (the first time, it was a woman; yesterday it was a man): they didn't notice anything.

But I said to myself, “Well, well, things are getting serious!” The vital world has started rebelling.

That's it: before going to sleep, you should concentrate with the will – an obstinate will – of being completely identified with the Supreme Consciousness, like this (same gesture with clenched fists), whatever happens. So the circumstances will be the same, but instead of that discomfort at being chased, you see everything with... you see how the Consciousness is with you to help you in all circumstances. Then it becomes very interesting. Very interesting.

Are you tired when you wake up?

Generally, yes.

But I take it as a good sign! (Mother laughs) It means you're doing well, things are doing well!

Good!

¹ “He thinks,” that is to say, the doctor looking after Mother thinks.

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² That was the time when, in France, Mother spent nights walking through gardens full of snakes (Richard's atmosphere).

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