The Mother

Agenda

Volume 1

December 1958

(This note was written by Mother in English. It concerns an attack of black magic that threatened her life and in the end completely changed her outer existence. A new stage begins.)

Two or three days after I retired to my room upstairs,¹ early in the night I fell into a very heavy sleep and found myself out of the body much more materially than I do usually. This degree of density in which you can see the material surroundings exactly as they are. The part that was out seemed to be under a spell and only half conscious. When I found myself at the first floor where everything was absolutely black, I wanted to go up again, but then I discovered that my hand was held by a young girl whom I could not see in the darkness but whose contact was very familiar. She pulled me by the hand telling me laughingly, “No, come, come down with me, we shall kill the young princess.” I could not understand what she meant by this “young princess” and, rather unwillingly, I followed her to see what it was. Arriving in the anteroom which is at the top of the staircase leading to the groundfloor, my attention was drawn in the midst of all this total obscurity to the white figure of Kamala² standing in the middle of the passage between the hall and Sri Aurobindo's room. She was as it were in full light while everything else was black. Then I saw on her face such an expression of intense anxiety that to comfort her I said, “I am coming back.” The sound of my voice shook off from me the semi-trance in which I was before and suddenly I thought, “Where am I going?” and I pushed away from me the dark figure who was pulling me and in whom, while she was running down the steps, I recognized a young girl who lived with Sri Aurobindo and me for many years and died five years back. This girl during her life was under the most diabolical influence. And then I saw very distinctly (as through the walls of the staircase) down below a small black tent which could scarcely be perceived in the surrounding darkness and standing in the middle of the tent the figure of a man, head and face shaved (like the sannyasin or the Buddhist monks) covered from head to foot with a knitted outfit following tightly the form of his body which was tall and slim. No other cloth or garment could give an indication as to who he could be. He was standing in front of a black pot placed on a dark red fire which was throwing its reddish glow on him. He had his right arm stretched over the pot, holding between two fingers a thin gold chain which looked like one of mine and was unnaturally visible and bright. Shaking gently the chain he was chanting some words which translated in my mind, “She must die the young princess, she must pay for all she has done, she must die the young princess”.

Then I suddenly realized that it was I the young Princess and as I burst into laughter, I found myself awake in my bed.

I did not like the idea of something or somebody having the power to pull me like that so materially out of my body without my previous consent. That is why I gave some importance to the experience.

¹ Mother withdrew on December 9. In fact, She had been unwell for already more than a month before withdrawing. On November 26, the last “Wednesday class” took place at the playground; on November 28, the last “Friday class”, on December 6, the last “Translation class”; on December 7, the end of Mother's tennis and the last visit to the playground. On December 9, She again went down for the meditation around the Samadhi. From December 10, Mother remained in her room for one month. A great period had come to an end. Henceforth, She would only go out of the Ashram building on rare occasions.
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² A disciple.
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