Sri Aurobindo

Letters of Sri Aurobindo

Volume 2. 1937

Letter ID: 1872

Sri Aurobindo — Nirodbaran Talukdar

March 11, 1937

Guru, I was badly hit by X’s going away... The first question is: why has he gone?

The marvel is that he did not go before.

You and Mother have poured and poured all heaven, as it were, on him – affection, sympathy, love, consideration, etc., and yet he complains of dryness of heart here!

By dryness of heart, he means that the vital is not given free play.

You have very admirably explained in NK’s poem Jackal, how the lower nature rushes towards the subconscient, and as soon as I read it I could not resist drawing the conclusion that this is X’s present picture, word for word. Do you agree?

Yes, it is that. A certain part of him which belongs to the lower vital was always rushing and has dragged away the rest.

... Why has this lower nature become so vehement this time?

But it has been rising again and again vehemently for a long time.

Many times he wanted to go but you stopped him; why have you failed this time?

This time I didn’t try. It was becoming like a dog pulling at his leash and moaning miserably. Can’t go on with that sort of thing for ever. So I had promised his outing, Bangalore and Cape Comorin. He changed it to Baroda and Almora after Bangalore. I said, All right. He gave up Almora and perhaps Baroda. I said, All right. Finally no Bangalore, but Calcutta, Almora and anywhere else and several months at least. I said, All right – Then for some reason the old drama (for up till now all was fairly reasonable except the “grim Meditation” affair and the intolerableness of Mother’s withdrawal and loss of the Pranam which had made his sufferings just tolerable), of Mother’s sternness, desire of death, never never shall I come back here – finally joy of going accompanied with sentimental effusions. That’s the whole story.

Will he come back with his lower fires run down and, thus a changed man, jump into the spiritual sea? For a time perhaps, but will not the hydra-headed monster rise up again?

Yes, if there is no radical change. But only Mahakali can bring that about. Up to now we have given her no chance.

Isn’t it true that in Yoga desires enjoyed are more harmful than rejected or repressed?

At any rate in this Yoga.

Some say he hasn’t gained anything substantial. Why, his psychic has surely developed in these 8 years...

Rather say – it was beginning to develop by fits and starts interrupted by periods of vital violent reaction. Of course if he had stayed and gone through it, the psychic should have prevailed in the end. But –

Did he not realise that there is nothing, after all, in lower enjoyments?

He said so always.

After this realisation can there be a fresh necessity for further enjoyment?

If there is no radical change, there can.

Is it possible that he won’t return at all, or will come back after many years?

With X everything is possible.

“Won’t return” seems impossible for have you not said that his success is sure and that you will carry him yourself to his goal?

I put a proviso, “If you are faithful to your seeking for the Divine”.

How is it that in spite of tremendous cost of Force and Energy, you could not change his views about your Yoga?

His mind changed somewhat, but his vital clung to the feeling of frustration by the Yoga and therefore abused the Yoga. It wanted either satisfaction of its play or brilliant experiences to replace them or both together. Not getting its way, it damned the Yoga as grim, horrible etc. All the time it refused to go on steadily with the thing that would be effective.

Quarrels with J, grimness of A, estrangement with N, etc., etc., are they reasons for deserting this Yoga?

For a man with X’s vital they seem governing reasons.

He has read so many of your books, has had so many letters from you, yet he doesn’t give any importance to inner things – calm, silent, steady progress? What have you done then, Sir?

You are speaking as if it was his thinking mind that refused. His thinking mind was changing its attitude. It was the vital mind that refused inwardness, silence etc.

Unfortunately he seemed to think that Mother is harder than you: she is grim and doesn’t love etc., etc.

That is because Mother’s pressure for a change is always strong – even when she doesn’t put it as force it is there by the very nature of the Divine Energy in her. But it was just this change his vital did not want – hence the feeling.

He will suffer terribly, I fear, outside. Is it then his soul’s necessity for further experience? Has the soul any such need?

If the soul had not, it would not be here in this world of Ignorance. It is for the experience of Ignorance that it is here.

It baffles me to think that a man who had so much self-confidence regarding poetry, music, and achieved success with sheer industry, could do nothing in Yoga with so much of your Force...

What a delusion! All the industry in the world could not have made him a poet, a novelist, a prosodist, an effective writer on serious questions... None of you realise that X had talent but no genius before he came here – Tagore is right there, except in music – and even there many criticised him as shallow, limited, superficial; merely pretty, lacking in depth, power, greatness. I saw a letter of an admirer the other day who told X that formerly his music had been full of show and ostentation, but now there was an immense change, it had become true and genuine... But he had a strong vital and Mother and I saw that there was stuff here which could be made into something. And we made it...

He has supported himself in many things, saying that he had your sanction. You gave him absolute freedom...

It was no use interfering – he would have done it all the same. And these things – talks, food, sociality were not the crucial things in his case. To press in his case on these points would only have prevented all chance of his giving an opportunity to the sadhana. It is not necessary in all cases to put this kind of pressure,– it depends on the case and the nature.

Another thing that hurt me was K’s revolt. How could he say such things against you when he broke with X over you and Ramakrishna?

My dear Sir, these fits are periodical with K – it is only the remarks against myself that were new. Ever since he came here, he has been announcing from time to time his departure.

He came here, I understand, on this earth, only for you!

Eh, what?

What has been achieved if after 13 or 14 years of sadhana, there is a lack of faith in the Guru?

Considering what K was, much has been achieved. But in a way nothing is really achieved until all is.

Is that not enough to show that real faith is not yet there?

Faith is there in parts of the being, absent in others.

Now, if K behaves in this way and X can leave the Asram after 8 years, two opposites – what about us?

Opposites, but for the same reasons – a physical mind clinging like a leech to its own wrong ideas of traditional sadhana and a vital that does not want to surrender, to lose independence and its own way of satisfaction.

What have you kept in store for us, Sir? Not sandesh and rasagolla! Will the sadhaks tumble one by one in this way as your Supramental comes nearer and nearer? Then with whom will you enjoy your Supramental? Night and day you are soaring and soaring.

Romantic one! I am not soaring and soaring – I am digging and digging, “Go to the ant, thou sluggard” sort of affair.

You don’t even look to see what fires your wings are throwing on our mortal frames!

My wings are throwing no fire. If anything happens to your mortal frames, it is your own kerosene stoves that are responsible.

Why don’t you give us any word of hope? When will your Gentleman come down, if he will?

Bother your words of hope. I am concerned with getting things done, (if people will kindly allow it and not be making a row all the time) – not with words.

I am shaken to the roots, for I fear I may share no better fate in your hands. Nevertheless all your promises will be fulfilled one day, for the Divine is eternal and so is the soul.

Well, that ought to be enough.

... How is it that a person professing a deep love for you is strongly attached to another one, and asks you to have trust in him or her? Isn’t it a duplicity? I can’t tolerate such conduct, and get rather disturbed...

You speak like a Daniel come to judgment. If you could only be calm like Daniel in the den of lions when these things happen, it would be all right.

... Seeing all this I have made up my mind to cut off all vital human relations...

I say that all that is magnificent, if you can do it. But can’t you see that it is the inward change that is wanted – the inward plunge? These dramatic outward breaks lead only to new joinings. Neither you nor she can keep to it. If there comes a strong ingoing movement, then it is another matter. That of itself would make it possible to readjust the relations or to withdraw if necessary. But splashings about on the surface – will it lead to anything? It does not look like it.

If I have shown X’s other side, it is needless to tell you that I have seen his finer side too, and have profited much by it. Affection can be there even when one criticises somebody, can’t there?

Yes, of course.

Outward breakings away and rejoinings, what’s the use of that? The remedy lies inside you. Try to go inward, find the Mother there, find your true self, your psychic being. Afterwards J won’t matter – you may be her friend or her literary collaborator or neither and it won’t make a jot of difference – I have spoken.

You may congratulate yourself, Sir, on this invasion of surrealism [10.3.37]! But L is better. What have you done with S’s spine? I saw her still going strong; result of your operation?

The spine was surrealistic – her going it strong is realistic.

Krishnayya says that you have asked him to stop Hadensa as it is of no use now.

Nonsense – it is he who wanted to stop, saying no improvement, very costly – So I said, he could stop.

P’s carbuncle is much better – says bandage is now bondage!

Seems much struck by Mother’s force as per cure carbuncle – no gratitude to the doctor. Such is life!