Sri Aurobindo

Letters of Sri Aurobindo

Volume 2. 1936

Letter ID: 1704

Sri Aurobindo — Nirodbaran Talukdar

August 18, 1936

The Asram is quite safe! My explosion will burst me alone, but I will see if the Divine can as well be exploded. I expected very much that your touch would relieve my burden, a little even, or would do something somewhere by which something at least would be tangible outwardly. Well, illusion it has been all...

Man alive (or of Sorrows or whatever may be the fact), how is it you fell on such a fell day for your burst? There has been an explosion, as D merrily calls it, beginning on the 14th but reaching now its epistolary climax and I have been writing sober letters to excited people for the last few hours. Solicit therefore your indulgence for a guru besieged by other people’s disturbances (and letters) until tonight. Send back the blessed burst and I will try to deal with it.

My problem is: I have been trying to call down Peace but none comes. I admit that at times a stabdhatā comes down in meditation, but afterwards no peace, not to speak of Ananda etc.

The stabdhata is still the condition which announces the attempt of peace to descend. It is a beginning.

This miserable condition is continuing so long! It drives me to make big efforts in concentration, to push and push, but it seems the vital refuses to cooperate in the sadhana and hence there is no joy.

It is of course that; the mind is pressing the vital by concentration and otherwise, but the vital is not yet prepared to accept peace or renounce agitation and desire.

Is it because the food has been taken away from the vital that it non-cooperates?

Partly that.

Or is it your Man of Sorrows who has besieged it?

The Man of Sorrows only takes advantage of the vital resistance and restlessness to bring in despondency etc. and make things worse.

Who is this Man of Sorrows, really? Is it a force or a being that has possessed me? I feel as if something is keeping me down forcibly.

Yes, it is so. But who it is, is a long story – He has not possessed, but is in control of part of your vital.

Whoever the devil he is, it seems to be impossible for me to dislodge him.

Difficult at present but not impossible.

If it is because of D’s company, I’ll cut it off from tomorrow.

No. D is less often upset and takes things in a more humorous way.

Or is it due to J’s company? But that can’t be cut off as the literary connection is there.

Well, I can’t say that has nothing to do with it – but cutting off may not make things better.

... I can’t even walk, where I want to run. Really I am losing all hope again...

That is the contribution of the Man of Sorrows.

You said “nirbhar is the great secret”, [10.8.36] but when one is besieged by so many things: mind restless, vital dead, what shall I do?

“Nirbhar” means reliance on the Divine whatever the condition or the difficulties. “Nirbhar” when all is going well, does not mean much. It is a poise one has to take and you can grow into it as D is growing into it.

Lastly, please ask Mother if I’ve been doing any wrong movement these 2 or 3 days. I feel some indication of that sort at the Pranam.

Not to her knowledge.

Is the poem done?

Yes. Very good, especially first half. But this flower and bee image has been buzzing about since ages before Kalidas; needs a little more polish to look entirely new.