Sri Aurobindo

Letters of Sri Aurobindo

Volume 1. 1935

Letter ID: 1347

Sri Aurobindo — Nirodbaran Talukdar

June 4, 1935

S’s acidity has come back in full vigour, perhaps due to my fault. I added two more slices of bread at his repeated request and he informs me after two days.

His object in not informing you, Purushottam says, was that you might not stop his extra food!

Secondly he thought he has turned out to be Hercules overnight, went on scrubbing, doing gate-duty and many other exercises without ever asking me.

Purushottam says the work is light, but S purposely turned it into a Sandow exercise making all sorts of motions to give work to his muscles. Motive – to get hungry so that he might conscientiously ask for an increase of food.

I noticed recently a very peculiar movement in me. I could no longer think of you – an absolute indifference, apathy was there. It seemed as if you were before me yet not there.

It looks like the subconscient – perhaps due to my writing about it? But also it may be that the subconscient has become my King Charles’s head and I see it everywhere.

What are these things cropping up? How will they end?

Let us hope, in the illumination of the subconscient and a glorious transformation!

Today very suddenly J said, “The Mother is sending you to Paris.” I thought the whole thing has somehow leaked out. When I asked him how he came to know about it, he replied, “It is absolutely my intuition.” Do you believe it, Sir? Can intuition be so exact?

I am not disposed to accuse the intuition in this case. I suspect R or somebody else of indiscretion with this intuitive outbreak as the result. Not that intuition cannot be exact, but we must not put too much on its poor back.