Sri Aurobindo
Letters of Sri Aurobindo
Volume 4
Mother, I want you to help me as I am somewhat weak in a certain social direction. Briefly, Hiren comes daily in the morning when I take tea with Nishikanto and AniT kumar, just for half-an-hour. I find his attitude one of simple gossip and I want now-a-days to avoid gossip.
Both Nishikanto and Anilkumar take interest in things of Yoga about which I like to talk, if talk I have to, but Hiren comes and shouts about what is going on in the Ashram about his wanting to beat Prithwi Singh, etc. It is very disagreeable. Also he has a curious habit of reporting talks to others which creates unnecessary complications. In a word, I don’t want his presence at my tea-table and less his admiration of me which is certainly not good for my egoistic self. I really want to feel humble, believe me, as without humility your Grace cannot act on me properly. But though I resolved many times to request him not to come, I can’t succeed in asking him not to come. It so happens that he is free from 8 to 9 in the morning. Can you kindly give him some work for this hour as after nine I start to concentrate, etc. ? Mother, do be kind, you are kind to me always, but I want you to be kinder still, and think of some work for Hiren between 8 and 9, please! You see, I want to do the sadhana properly and Hiren (whom I did succeed in warding off) is such a hindrance. I am ashamed to tell you this, but I must tell you candidly all my weaknesses. I have found myself fairly strong in most matters of attitude and right action but this habit of politeness is still very strong in me so that I can’t forbid Hiren to come. He insists on coming and I don’t like his talk nor attitude. I am glad to tell you that Nishikanto and Anilkumar are both growing loyal to what I feel to be important, e.g. war, bhakti, aspiration for humility, etc. But Hiren does not listen. He is simply mad and his sympathies are still wrong, I have felt. Nirod agrees with me and wants me to tell him straight not to come but as I find it very difficult I make an appeal to you as a child should to his mother, confessing his weakness.
Mother will consult with Nolini and see if any work can be given to him at that time. But he was given work formerly and he did not do his work so it was taken from him. If he does that again, then the measure taken will not be effective. So?