Sri Aurobindo
Letters of Sri Aurobindo
Volume 4
Letter ID: 960
Sri Aurobindo — Roy, Dilip Kumar
June 3, 1943
Night before last I sang to a few three songs. The first song was my own ekelar pathe bajao tomar banshi [you are playing your flute on my lonely path], the second on Mother, the third on Krishna: Chandidasa’s famous band-hu ki ar baliba ami, marane jibane janame janame, prananath hoyo tumi1.
I felt a very deep sorrow as I sang it (with tears flowing). It seemed to me life was quite impossible without Krishna (I wish this feeling lasted all the time till His relief came!) as I sang the last couplet,
ankhira nimishe jadi nahi dekhi tabe je parane mari. chandidas kahe? – parasha ratan galay bandhiya pari2?
The sorrow I felt was a qualified sorrow: it was full of sweetness of appeal to Krishna to accept me though with the knowledge (there was the sorrow) that I was not yet acceptable to Him. How to make myself so – that was the cry?
And then Pratibha (la cousine des trois soeurs [the three sisters’ cousin]) saw a beautiful vision with open eyes. Just about one cubit from me – behind me – Kishore Krishna was standing with a “wicked expression” she says, eyeing me in a posture of dance with flute, anklets, etc. – “silvery blue” his colour and a face of unsurpassable beauty. “I was bewitched by this sheer beauty,” she says, “for you know, Dilip, I have never loved Krishna or sakar bhagavan 
[God with form], being a Brahmo.” Then yesterday in the evening she saw this same face on Mother’s head – [twining] her neck with His both hands. Pratibha was then moved and came, almost embraced me on the staircase as I was going to pranam Mother in great sorrow that Krishna never gave his darshan to me, but only to others, since such phenomena have happened on several occasions in the past – Sisir, Puranmal and Narayanprasad having been those among the fortunate ones who have seen Krishna as I sang of Him.
I write to you as I feel a great sorrow since – though I feel a deep bhakti too – no despair a proprement parler [strictly speaking] – only very deep sorrow mingled with sweetness. Sorrow also because I cannot, try ever so hard as I would, get a foothold in sadhana proper. But I won’t enlarge on that. I ask you what was the meaning of this manifestation again? Did Krishna want only to make me more sorrowful or was it an unreal subjective vision ? But how to dub it subjective either – when Pratibha asserts that she never cared for Krishna or the gods? I could understand it happening before Yashoda Ma. But why did Krishna show Himself to one who didn’t care for Him at all and never to me who misses His touch so much and feels life and karma almost like a mockery without Him?
Subjective visions can be as real as objective sight – the only difference is that one is of real things in material space, while the others are of real things belonging to other planes down to the subtle physical; even symbolic visions are real in so far as they are symbols of realities. Even dreams can have a reality in the subtle domain. Visions are unreal only when these are merely imaginative mental formations not representing anything that is true or was true or is going to be true.
In this case the thing seen can be taken as true since it has been seen by many and always in the same relation and still more because it has been confirmed by what was seen by Yashodabai and Krishnaprem. It means obviously that your singing by the power of the bhakti it expresses can and does bring the presence of Krishna there.
It is not that Krishna “shows himself,” but simply that he is there and some who have the power of vision catch sight of him and others who have not the power fail to do so. This power of vision is sometimes inborn and habitual even without any effort of development, sometimes it wakes up of itself and becomes abundant or needs only a little practice to develop; it is not necessarily a sign of spiritual attainment, but usually when by practice of Yoga one begins to go inside or live within, the power of subtle vision awakes to a greater or less extent; but this does not always happen easily, especially if one has been habituated to live much in the intellect or in an outward vital consciousness. The question you put does not, then, arise.
I suppose what you are thinking of is “darshan”, the self-revelation of the Deity to the devotee; but that is different, it is an unveiling of his presence, temporary or permanent, and may come as a vision or may come as a close feeling of his presence which is more intimate than sight and a frequent or constant communication with him; that happens by deepening of the being into its inner self and growth of consciousness or by growth of the intensity of bhakti. When the crust of the external consciousness is sufficiently broken by the pressure of increasing and engrossing bhakti, the contact comes. It is already something (and not usual) that the bhakti in the song is sufficient to bring even the unfelt Presence.
1 Sri Aurobindo’s translation: “O love, what more shall I, shall Radha speak, Since mortal words are weak? In life, in death, in being and in breath, no other lord but thee can Radha seek.”
2 Sri Aurobindo’s translation: “If one brief moment steal thee from mine eyes, my heart within me dies.”