Sri Aurobindo

Letters of Sri Aurobindo

Volume 3

Letter ID: 892

Sri Aurobindo — Roy, Dilip Kumar

January 19, 1937

Yes, I see that now. I have on a chit of paper just quoted your “As for the wire of blessing I see no necessity; all that is necessary is that he should inform us about his brother whenever he thinks it needful” and just posted it – with no letter at all from me. So that is that.

I have been praying a lot for a little real inner surrender of late. Yesterday I did much japa, etc, and prayed. My work too (with Herbert re. Sri Ramakrishna’s sayings of which the French translation I had to compare with the original Bengali) is finished today. He asked what would be the equivalent of vairagya in French. The translator had written désintéressement. I suggested detachement. Herbert says détachement won’t quite do in French. What then? Could you or Mother please suggest some word?

The word désintéressement is not equivalent of vairagya. I think detachement is nearer to it, for vairagya means détachement des passions, des désirs, des liens de la terre [detachment from passions, desires, bonds of the earth]. It is not perhaps quite equivalent to vairagya but I don’t know any word in French or English which has the full connotation of vairagya.

Today I could not concentrate at all – though I tried much. I was resolved to do no work till my birthday [22nd] – to concentrate on japa, etc. But I felt a strange restlessness today the like of which I have not had since my last depression in November. (I haven’t had any depression since if you will please note.) But I notice no progress in me towards spiritual consciousness and the old questionings come again, “What am J doing? Why wasting my time – on what?” My old vairagya seems a little agog and bent on giving me a little trouble. Though I don’t relish them at all. I did a lot of japa, etc. but my restlessness still remains. The old idea of solitude an d doing proper sadhana too takes hold of me. But how to set about it I do not know. I feel the beginning of a sadness and loneliness again. I am not a little afraid of the gloom it is likely to bring in its train and just on the eve of my birthday at that. If come it must, try to send me a little force that the suffering should reawake my psychic fire which had lately fallen asleep, I believe, in my latter-day cheerfulness. Cheerfulness, Guru? I have had a taste of it for two months. But a quoi bon? [What’s the use?] – this question occurs again. Does it help the fire within or only make one forget the Divine? Perhaps even depression is better than cheerfulness? Strange such old questions should revive now of all times when I want to dive more into the heart of sadhana! But there it is and I think I should let you know it all.

This movement is one that always tries to come when you have a birthday or a darshan and is obviously a suggestion offerees that want to disturb you and give you a bad birthday or bad darshan. You must get rid of the idea that it is in any way helpful for sadhana, e.g. makes you remember the Divine etc. – if it does, it makes you remember the Divine in the wrong way and in addition brings up the weakness, also depression, self-distrust etc. etc. A quoi bon cheerfulness? It puts you in the right condition for the psychic to work and without knowing it you grow in just the right perceptions and right feelings for the spiritual attitude. This growth I have been observing in you for a fairly long time now and it is in the cheerful states that it is the most active. Japa, thinking of the Divine is all right, but it must be on this basis and in company with work and mental activity, for then the instrument is in a healthy condition. But if you become restlessly eager to do nothing but japa and think of nothing but the Divine and of the “progress” you have or have not made (Ramana Maharshi says you should never think of “progress”, it is according to him a movement of the ego), then all the fat is in the fire because the system is not yet ready for a Herculean effort and it begins to get upset and think it is unfit and will never be fit. So be a good cheerful worker and offer your bhakti to the Divine in all ways you can but rely on him to work out things in you.