Sri Aurobindo

Letters of Sri Aurobindo

Volume 3

Letter ID: 876

Sri Aurobindo — Roy, Dilip Kumar

December 8, 1936

This morning your letter did bring me some definite relief. It was difficult to know for certain whether you did approve of this and I have felt uneasy ever since they invited me – doubtless because of some wrong movement somewhere deep down which I can’t quite correct with my single-handed effort. Please send me therefore your force that I may offer it all to you in the proper spirit – shorn of this fame-lure, success-lure, etc – then I am sure it will help me instead of hindering me – and the congenial nature of this endeavour will make my self-offering to you a more delightful thing than this attempt has been thus far. I want to have this spirit (in a concrete way): that I am doing this as an offering to you and Mother. Tell me, is that possible?

Yes, certainly.

I mean, is there something in this work itself which precludes this possibility?

No, nothing. I think I wrote once already that almost any work can be made a means of self-offering.

I hope not: at least with your grace it should be possible since I am sincere in wanting to do this – though my vital nature responds to the delight of the work for its own sake – as it does to other work too – story-telling, music-composing, verse-writing, etc.

The vital delight in the work is a necessary element for the work itself. Work done without it is much less easy to do and much less easy to offer.

I had a beautiful dream this afternoon in my midday siesta. I sang Nishikanta’s song on Mother this morning (with other songs too) with joy and after meals lay down in shabasan to do japa of Mother’s name making my room dark. I fell into sleep and dreamed I lay as a child with Mother who was caressing me as a human mother does her child and I lay at her feet and in her lap in great love and devotion. I did respond vividly to it all – and woke up in great joy.

Very good.

I enclose Biren’s letter as he wants me to let you know about it all. He praised my music-book highly in the previous letter writing that my tunes, etc. are shining with beauty, had originality, etc. Truly, Guru, do help me so that I can sing some of these as a throbbing offering: it will then be dazzling I tell you (bad adjective for music but expressive). Oh, if I could sing even a tithe as emotionally-moved as I do here it will be more moving than any Indian Gramophone record can boast today. This I say not to brag only to invoke your grace so that I may offer it all as a wealth given to me – to be offered back to you in grateful dedication. I do mean it and don’t use these words for the fine ring of the poesy these words convey – I do so long to be able to sing in absolute self-forgetfulness in dedication to you. I have sung like that here any number of times: not for nothing Vidya wept and said to me, “You sing divinely Dilipbhai!” Do now grant that I may not be dogged by my egoism of which I am truly sick.