Sri Aurobindo
Letters of Sri Aurobindo
Volume 3
Letter ID: 754
Sri Aurobindo — Roy, Dilip Kumar
June 1936 (?)
Just a line to let you know: I learned Saurin is genuinely repenting. I also felt a change in me: I felt I must rise above these human feelings of grievance. I sent him some cups, a little tea, milk, etc. in the afternoon, then as he had no stove asked him to have a cup of tea with me when we had some talk about Maya. All right – in the right spirit, I mean. I must refrain from judging people. I want you to help me here as I am fed up with this strand of hardness in my nature. I felt if I am to be a yogi (and not merely an artist, poet, singer and novelist) I must purify my nature of all egoisms which judge and are led to nurse unkind feelings to those that are judged. Saurin’s face so full of sufferings too made me melt not a little – as I truly wish him no ill. I am in fact ashamed that I had nursed an ill-feeling against him so long – for it is really not in my nature. I am angry easily but also inclined to forget quickly. In this case, I was really shabbily treated, but even that I must rise above as I have myself such faults and harshness which invite such treatment. I was reading Amiel1 and was much moved yesterday by his exhortation to humility so beautifully worded. What do you think of Amiel? I find him very beautiful and psychic. He writes about so long as we doubt the question of God there is no humility and that repentance cannot begin without humility and that trial does not cease until it has done its work that is why it almost never stops (since it has to purify untold crannies of darkness in us). Anyhow it helped me. His reflections about faith and humility, etc. 
are truly moving and beautiful. Will you tell me your opinion of Amiel – as I am reading him daily with profit and am much struck by the wisdom of his charity and depth. Am I right in thinking that he had some real psychic opening and spiritual insight into things? Also tell me if my impression as to Saurin is correct that he is about to repent if not already repenting. He has suffered anyhow.
I have not myself read Amiel. I knew of him only from things written about him. He appears to have been a man with some insight into spiritual life and a settled aspiration towards it.
As for Saurin he has written expressing repentance and the desire to change. But we have to wait to see him in his acts – there is much that is mixed and twisted in Saurin.
P.S. This depression will take some time perhaps – coming after full two months. So I suppose I have to pull through somehow. Send the poor composer some force to get through his resurge of doubts, the concomitants of depression: the doubts being as to the Divine being unlikely to make me receptive except for composing songs and poems – but true Yoga – no, which Kanai is doing. I truly envy him his meditation: he says he is having such ananda and peace through it. Naturally. It is meditation, you see, not notation of art and letters.
Certainly, I will send you force. Kanai has struggled on to the right basis after a long journey – I don’t see why you should not also arrive in time. The steps may be different because natures differ, but one arrives.
1 Henri Frederic Amiel (27.9.1821-11.5.1881), Swiss critic and poet.