Sri Aurobindo
Letters of Sri Aurobindo
Volume 2. 1934 — 1935
Letter ID: 633
Sri Aurobindo — Roy, Dilip Kumar
October 10, 1935
[[I think you are somewhat out as regards the parallel between you and Harin. (...) The imperative to be a great Yogi and spiritual poet is one thing – many have it at first – the inspiration to be true and pure in all the being is not so common. No resemblance to your case, therefore.]]1
Aspiration and will to change are not so very far from each other, and if one has either, it is usually enough for going 
through – provided, of course, it maintains itself. The opposition in certain parts of the being exist in every sadhak and can be very obstinate. Sincerity comes by having first the constant central aspiration or will, next, the honesty to see and avow the refusal in parts of the being, finally the intention of seeing it through even there, however difficult it may be. You have admitted certain things changed in you, so you can no longer pretend that you have made no progress at all.
The peculiarity you note is pretty universal – it is one part of the being which believes and speaks the right and beautiful things; it is another which doubts and says just the opposite. I get communications for instance from X in which for several pages he writes wise and perfect things about the sadhana – suddenly without transition he drops into his physical mind and peevishly and complainingly says – well, things ignorant and quite incompatible with all that wisdom. X is not insincere when he does that – he is simply giving voice to two parts of his nature. Nobody can understand himself or human nature if he does not perceive the multi-personality of the human being. To get all parts into harmony, that is the difficult thing.
As for the lack of response, well, can’t you see that you are in the ancient tradition. Read the “Lives of the Saints” – you will find them all (perhaps not all, but at least so many) shouting like you that there was no response, no response and getting into frightful tumults, agonies and desperations – until the response came. Many people here who can’t say they have had no experiences, do just the same – so it does not depend on experiences, I don’t advise this procedure to anybody – mind you. I only want to say that the feeling of never having had a response does not mean that there never will be a response and that fits of despair at having arrived nowhere do not mean that one will never arrive.
P.S. Have read the preface. Of course.
1 The double brackets are Sri Aurobindo’s.