Sri Aurobindo

Letters of Sri Aurobindo

Volume 2. 1934 — 1935

Letter ID: 623

Sri Aurobindo — Roy, Dilip Kumar

September 15, 1935

Well, great guru, so be it. I will plump for asceticism then, since no other way for a speedy arrival I gather? But let it be a concrete asceticism then, since I want the concrete realisations. Quid pro quo, what? So I propose these recipes for your full approval, for mind you, no non-committal supramental permissive ambiguous sanctions for me, to be obviated or disclaimed later by your arch-favourite “Well, Dilip-was-doing-his-own-Yoga” refuge. I must renounce then things which I like:

1) I’ll give up tea. I love it.

2) I’ll give up cheese. I like it.

3) I’ll bid adieu to fried potatoes, onions, butter, I adore these.

4) I will start periodic fasts, to feel hungry, heroically, without food.

5) Will part company with hair-oil.

6) Will shave off my head, that is authentic asceticism: I am not joking, I will, I grimly undertake, if only to show that I mean business. I will have at least the grim satisfaction of enjoying your failure to identify the metamorphosed Dilip and marvel how quickly the unregenerate Dilip has been made an end of by your withering Supramental.

7) I will sleep on blankets – pillowless. But note: I tried this before already and remember that although you have kept me in reasonable comfort, I came ready to brave any austerity.

8) Last, though not least, I will sleep without the mosquito-curtain which will be the most heroic of my ascetic stunts, as I have never yet been able to sleep without the comfy net.

Only please believe me when I urge that though my language is still unregenerate, poor Dilip being still Supramentally untransformed, my intention can defy the seriousest of Supramental vagaries. For though the language is flippant the heart is tearful comme il faut and tuned on to the top-notes of austerity. But now, do be business-like yourself, too, and bless beautifically: “Amen.”

I am rather aghast as I stare at the detailed proposals made by you! Fastings? I don’t believe in them, though I have done them myself. You would only eat like an ogre afterwards. Shaved head! Great heavens! have you realised the consequences? I pass over the aesthetic shock to myself on the 24^th November from which I might not recover – but the row that would arise from Cape Cormorin to the Himalayas! You would be famous in a new way which would cast all your previous glories into the shade. And just when you are turning away from fame and all the things of the ego! No, no – too dangerous by half. Sleep without the mosquito net? That would mean no sleep which is as bad as no eating. Not only your eyes would become weak, but yourself also – and to boot gloomy, grey and gruesome, more gruesome than the Supramental of your worst apprehensions. No and no again. As for the rest, I placed some of them before the Mother and she eyed them without favour.

After all real asceticism is hardly possible except in a hut or in the Himalayas. The heart of asceticism, besides, is having no desires or attachment, being indifferent, able to do without things, satisfied with whatever comes. If you asceticise outwardly it becomes a rule of life and you keep it up because it is a rule, for the principle of the thing or for the kudos of it or as a point of honour. But I have noticed about the ascetics by rule that when you remove the curb they become just like others – with a few exceptions, of course; which proves that the transformation was not real. A more subtle method used by some is to give up for a time, then try the object of desire again and so go on till you have thoroughly tested yourself! E.g., you give up potatoes and eat only Ashram food for a time – if a call comes for the potatoes or from them, then you are not cured: if no call comes, still you cannot be sure till you have tried the potatoes again and seen whether the desire, attachment or sense of need revives. If it does not and the potatoes fall away from you of themselves, then there is some hope that the thing is done!

However, all this will make you think that I am hardly fit to be a guru on the path of asceticism and you will probably be right. You see I have such a strong penchant for the inner working and am so persuaded that if you give the psychic a chance, it will get rid of the vital bonds without all this sternness and trouble.

But I will write again and try to see without being aghast. I had no time to steady myself under the shock today.

P.S. Raihana’s reproduction is very expressive of the Gopi, but what else to say about it. It is a drawing and a drawing expresses the vision of the artist more often than the sitter – so one can say nothing from it.