There is no perfect solution to human relationships in a family at our present human level. Each one of us has something beautiful in us and in any relationship it is best to focus on that. However close relationships have this disadvantage that one cannot always ignore the defects of each other. The ego tends to show up more easily and the sharp edges of our nature begin to rub. The only thing is to have a certain degree of mutual respect so that we do not interfere with each one’s way of life or consciously hurt each other. It is not always easy but then it allows a certain healthy space for each one to grow along the lines determined by their unique past and a yet unique future.
However all this does not necessarily constitute the ideal of love between a man and a woman. One option, and a safer one I must say, is to accept what has come one’s way through the hands of destiny and offer it to the Grace and turn it through an inner attitude into a means of progress. Another is to live one’s own independent life but that throws up too much suffering and is generally not desirable especially when one has a child. After all, a primary thing in yoga is not to seek one’s own happiness but the Divine.
As to the difference in lower vital needs between man and woman it is true, Sri Aurobindo himself has remarked this in one of his evening talks. Best is to live by one’s deepest truth but at the same time give the needed freedom to the man to live his own life and in the way he would like to. He may have his needs, in fact will have and, while a woman or wife is certainly not obliged to be an instrument to fulfil his desires or give pleasure (which is the usual idea of the relationship) she can surely set him inwardly free to pursue his life the way he wants. Certainly it means that the relationship hangs now by the tread of duty and the bond of common memories and physical attachment but then it is the best that can be done if one has to salvage the relationship and, at the same time, follow the truth of one’s nature.
