How can one possibly speak of and describe the Absolute, the Infinite, the Timeless, the Eternal, within the boundaries and limitations of Time? Words and human speech arc simply too inadequate as tools, but yet we try…
On a visit to Pondicherry and the Ashram in December 2002, l was taking an early evening walk along the seaside boulevard when I met Shyamsunder Jhunjhunwalla who was walking in my direction. We spoke briefly and he asked me if l would contribute some remembrances of the Mother for Sri Aurobindo’s Action Journal for the occasion of the Mother’s 125th birthday celebration on February 21, 2003.
I was again brought to the Light of the Mother in this lifetime in the year 1961. From a photograph of myself that I had sent to Her, she acknowledged that “She has so much music in her”. This she knew without having been told that I was a singer and musician. Some communication began with Her on the inner planes and via written correspondence, and the sadhana was launched.
Some recalcitrant parts in the vital nature resisted with a vengeance in those beginning days.
A cerebral concussion resulting from an auto accident on December 9, 1962 brought Her to me in a subtle physical form at which time She delivered me back from that dark tunnel that was pulling my life’s breath from this earthly existence. Some thirty stitches were required to sew up the head wounds. There were never any scars and in Her telegram to me, after the accident, She said “Anne (my name at that time) will not have scars”!!
This near death experience brought Her into my inner life and being and the psychic opened, came forward and flowered with all manner of experiences that came and settled within. This opening to the Mother was a major turning point for me spiritually and She has never left me since.
I finally arrived for my first visit to the Ashram in January, 1968. For six years the Mother helped me to grow stronger and prepared me inwardly for this first darshan. I had seen many photos of the Mother and knew She was petite and fragile in appearance. However, when I looked at her during that darshan, I saw a nine feet tall goddess, young and powerful! (in subsequent visions and appearances She was also seen as young). I forgot time and space and allowed Her laser gaze to penetrate my mind my heart and my body. I shook, I trembled, I remembered ‘something’ from far off within the deepest recesses of my soul. I sensed that l had known Her and that it was not the ‘ first meeting’. Before leaving Her room She pointed to me and said, “You have been with me many times, many many times before. More than you know”! With these words I became pulverized. I did not know if I flew, floated or if I had to be carried from her room. All the remainder of the day I remained immobile on my bed in Castellini Guest House. From that day onward my life, as I had always known it, was forever changed.
ln 1969 I came to the Ashram with the Mother’s permission, to live and grow spiritually in Her presence and to allow her to mold me in her way. After three and a half years, She had other plans for me and in 1972 I returned to America and became closely connected with the Sri Aurobindo Center of New York City; Matagiri Sri Aurobindo Center In Woodstock, New York; Her Foundation for World Education, and most recently the East West Cultural Center, The Sri Aurobindo Center of Los Angeles, California.
Like so many of us I feel that l have been a servant to the Mother through many lifetimes and that I shall continue on this path of service and devotion for many lifetimes to come. The struggle with one’s nature is always there, but so is their all-embracing help and guidance.
Sri Aurobindo and The Mother came to us from the Divine planes as the dual avatars, to show us the way to the Supramental Consciousness and ultimately to the Divine life on earth. The magnitude of this descent continues to overwhelm me. I am filled with gratitude to have lived here in the Ashram at a time when the universal Shakti Power was embodied in the form of Mother Mirra.
I call to Her constantly. She is always with me. Shortly before I left for America in 1972, She changed my name to “ANIE” and told me “Do not cling to the past”. She also said “The Divine is giving you a great opportunity for making an advancement in the Yoga and you should concentrate on nothing more than consecrating yourself to the Divine”.
It was a deep shock to me when She left Her body in 1973. I had a dream vision of Her departure that prepared me somewhat. But now Her energies and force have burst forth into the universe, spreading out like the radiant rays of the sun and She lives in all of us and in all things; shaping, preparing, transforming.
Mother Divine, they say you are 125 years old, but you are at once ancient and young. You are the eternal and universal creatrix and cannot be placed within the narrow confines of age, personality, time, space, or nationality. You are all-wisdom, all-wideness, you are omniscient and omnipresent.
Adored Mother, in deep aspiration I bow to Thee and all Thy names and forms.
Om Namo Bhagavate
– ANIE NUNNALLY