While concentrating, sometimes I get the experience of gathering different lights and forces on the head at the same time. I am surprised.
I suppose the physical consciousness is not accustomed to the play of lights and forces.
What an emptiness, as if all the energy is drawn out from my mind and vital, and all the bones and organs are removed from the body. I feel the physical movements act as out of Nothingness — Shunya — and they have no connection with my personal volition.
It is a well-known experience — when even the body consciousness feels only the self-existence.
Till lately my physical being was all void — as the emptiness had entered there too. But now the Mother’s Force seems to have begun to occupy it.
My lower vital is putting itself into the Mother’s hands. However, the subconscient still resists. I find it very difficult to bring it under a permanent control. But with the cooperation of the vital the process will now be easier.
Yes, but it is not enough that the lower vital should put itself into the Mother’s hands. The whole physical and subconscient and everything else must do likewise.
Sometimes I feel that there is an essential change in my ordinary mind. But then how is it that the tamas is still rising up?
It rises in that case not from any mind level but from the essential physical consciousness itself (environmental as well as personal).
During the morning meditation, all my parts were filled with so much inertia that it was with great difficulty that I could maintain the aspiration. Then suddenly the body consciousness emerged from the darkness and took the lead. Would you believe me, it even instigated and directed my mind and vital! It made them stir up from their stupor — their long sleep of inertia. I wonder how the body consciousness can act like this.
It is very possible when one reaches a certain stage. The Force acts directly through the part needed for the action.
This was how the subconscient disturbance of the last two days was dissolved and the consciousness again turned towards the Mother’s light.
It is because the subconscient being just below the physical, the enlightened physical can act on it directly and completely in a way in which mind and vital cannot and by this direct action can help to liberate the mind and vital also.
At present the body does not resist sadhana but it is very weak. It cannot support the movement the whole day or a continual experience.
Do you mean physically weak? To support the whole day long is not easy even for a strong body — the physical consciousness tends always to a relaxation.
Do you not think that every sadhak has a certain capacity for holding the experience when it is supported by the body?
For a time, yes. It is only when there is a big or complete descent that it can be held all the time.
I feel various experiences in different parts of the body. Sometimes they become quite tangible. Is it not a successful preparation for the final change?
The physical has deep experiences, which the vital and mind miss at present. I wonder why then the inertia and fatigue are not on the decrease?
These are as yet only experiences, not the settled realisation of the divine peace, force and light.
What I see as inertia at present may be perhaps coming from the subliminal consciousness; otherwise how can my physical repose in peace and silence in spite of the inertia?
It is evidently in that case the subconscient inertia.
The Mothers Light flows in my forehead. I am surprised to see that it works with a tranquil intensity, while the whole head is completely filled with it.
At times I feel in the midst of an experience that the physical form of the organs where the experience is going on does not exist at all.
That kind of non-existence of the body or of some part of it is a frequent experience in sadhana.
The flesh is in a quietude and the cells are at rest.
That is very good.