It is curious how egoism mixes up with our surrender even when it is apparently honest and sincere. At one time we bow with our heart and soul to the Divine, at other times we follow our own way; even at the same time, some part in us surrenders, while other parts hold back. The test is the lack of peace and equanimity, for where there is real surrender these things cannot exist.
We depend on the Divine, but also count upon our own powers; as the saying goes, we trust in God, but keep our powder dry. As if our surrender is to get as much as possible from the Divine, and use it for our own purpose in our own way. It is this want of sincerity and completeness in our surrender that is a great obstacle to the working of the divine Power in us.
Let this falsehood and duplicity completely disappear from me, Mother; let me turn always towards Thee, let me be free from all egoism, all initiative, all desire; let this earnest prayer ceaselessly rise up from my soul:
“Descend into me, Mother, in all Thy divine glory; seize my mind and fill it with Thy light; seize my will and make it an instrument of Thy work; seize my whole being and make it a perfect vehicle of the great joy of divine love.”
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We really lose nothing by losing our egoistic personality in the one immutable Self of all existence. Through the ego we ignorantly confine ourselves to a limited portion of the world; by transcending the ego we go beyond this limitation and realise the whole world to be our own. Then we have not to feel the pang of separation from our near and dear ones, because we find them within our own self, and beings in the world become equally near and dear to us. We cease to be troubled by ideas of obligations and duty, as we realise that we are not the real doers, but it is Nature really which carries out all our actions. The joys and sorrows of the world do no longer affect us, as we perceive them to be passing movements in the universal play. Realising our true self to be infinite and perfect, we rise above all limited desires and attachments. By losing our ego we lose only our bondage and limitation.
Yet we do not cease to have individual personality. Through our individual nature, we enter into a relation of love and devotion to Thee, Mother, and find our nature to be a part of Thyself, a vehicle of the manifestation of Thy divine play which Thou art unfolding for the pleasure of Thy Lord. By merging our lower self in the higher and identifying our individual nature with Thee, Mother, we grow into our real divine personality.
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As long as the ego is the centre of our life, we ceaselessly move found it, bound by our ignorant attachments, impelled by our blind desires; no real progress, no transformation is at all possible under these conditions of darkness and falsehood. But all the limitations and imperfections of the lower life are at once ended when we are able to merge ourselves completely in Thee, Mother.
Then Thou becomest the centre of our life instead of the ego; Thy will take the place of our desires; thy truth replaces the limited light of our reason; and all our sensuous hankerings and egoistic cravings are merged in the great delight of an intimate touch and integral union with Thee. And this is the real truth of our life. We are made out of Thy stuff, we are a spark out of Thy fire; all separation from Thee is a falsehood and the real cause of misery.
So let me grow more and more identified with Thee, Mother, let all independent movements, all separate existence altogether cease in me. As the river falling into the sea at once transcends its limitations and becomes great and infinite with the sea itself, so let my human life fall into Thee, Mother, and become great and glorious in Thy divine life and Thy divine consciousness.