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At the Feet of The Mother

Letters to a Young Disciple

Sri Aurobindo’s correspondence with Nagin Doshi from 1933-1937.


What is the matter with [my present sadhana]? — one after another, attacks are persistently coming. [...]

This negation is the very nature of the physical resistance and the physical resistance is the whole base of the denial of the Divine in the world. [...] You have to face this character of the physical resistance and conquer it however often it may rise. It is the price of the transformation of the earth-consciousness.

Why all this suffering of the physical being on the way to the Divine?

It is the nature of the sadhana. The forces of the Ignorance are a perversion of the earth-nature and the adverse Powers make use of them. They do not give up their control of men without a struggle.

When the outer being is so totally obscured how to keep an aspiration?

One can always have an aspiration in the inner being, if the inner being keeps its separateness. This difficulty is due to old habits of the physical mind and vital, which still have the power to repeat themselves by rising from the subconscient ...

Are there many sadhaks here who are under the same spell of inertia as I am?

Yes — it is a natural result of the consciousness’s descent into the physical and the struggle with the subconscient resistance. Only its form varies with different people.

While concentrating, sometimes I get the experience of gathering different lights and forces on the head at the same time. I am surprised.

I suppose the physical consciousness is not accustomed to the play of lights and forces.

An Ashramite says that at present the Mother and you have started to send us down into the lower nature. Is it true?

We are sending nobody nowhere. The sadhana itself has come down into the depth of the physical and subconscient to make them open ...

Is the time come for me to start becoming conscious of my nights? My normal sleep is filled with unconsciousness.

It does not matter much at present. Put your waking consciousness right.

The sleep-consciousness has to be changed quickly as it is a fundamental basis.

First you will have to get the capacity of getting it back as soon as you rise.

While washing the big flower-vase of the Reception Room, one part fell from my hands and it broke. So may I take this dream as prophetic?

One sees many things like that which are not necessarily prophetic (rarely they are), but only suggestions, formations etc. on the vital plane.

Due to the sciatica-pain, it is difficult to sit on an ordinary chair. Could I be given an easy chair so that my body can rest while I follow the movement of the sadhana?

Mother does not believe much in an easy chair sadhana... What the Mother meant was that this meditating on an easy chair which is so common in the Ashram is a new thing to her and she finds it rather a tamasic habit.

My friends wonder why I take so little food. But why should I eat much just to satisfy the body’s appetite?

Food is necessary for the maintenance of the body which is the instrument of the sadhana, so it must be taken in sufficient quantity for that. It is not to satisfy the appetite but for this purpose that you must take sufficient food.

Why are all sorts of things coming into me? Can nothing be done?

If you shake off your sense of helplessness and call down the Force or let it pass, then something can be done.

There is a strain in my eyes. Reading has become difficult. What to do?

For the eyes you can try boric acid lotion; it should at least take away the pain. You will have to be careful about your eyes. Reading by night (too much) is unadvisable.

I have written to you that it was possible to detach myself from the sex difficulty to some extent. But there is no total overcoming it.

It is not a question of overcoming, but of detachment — not being identified with it or seized by it. Detachment is the first step. If you can detach yourself from the sex suggestions even when having them as you say, then they do not matter so much ... [and] can wait for their final removal hereafter.

While I am getting some control over the sex impulses during the waking condition, there is absolutely no change in my dream state. How is that?

It is absolutely necessary to get rid of sex interest. But the night dreams will only disappear after the waking mind is perfectly free.

Will all be returning to the Ashram after pacifying the [sex] push?

If the external being is too strong for him and its desires increased, then it means his realisation is postponed. But then there is no other choice. For the only other alternative is a life in the Ashram itself which would be soon a public scandal.

How to liberate myself from the vital strife and struggle?

Allow no demand of the human vital to rise up — clamour of egoistic revolts — or if one rises see that you or no part of you identifies itself with it.

What produces the loss of mental balance?

The loss of mental balance is due to...exaggerated ego, exaggerated sex, acceptance of a hostile force etc.

Is it not really difficult to offer oneself to the Divine when he seems to give no return?

It is the only way to a real self-giving — otherwise the ego always remains in spite of experiences and progress.